- [first lines]
- [with Johnny in the control booth with him, Les is delivering one of his commentaries on the air]
- Les Nessman: And so, the delicate balance of the ecology is about to be upset again. And that which we have always taken for granted may no longer be. I refer of course to the lowly rutabaga. Experts predict that within this century, the rutabaga will disappear from the national diet. And why you ask?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [emphatically] Why?
- Les Nessman: Consumer disinterest, apathy, and in some cases, believe it or not, open contempt.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [emphatically] No!
- Les Nessman: And how did we arrive at this pretty pass?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Tell us, Les.
- Les Nessman: There is no swede for my gloves off, no holds barred commentary. Rutabaga: the vanishing vegetable.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [grabbing his face in mock horror before raising his arms to God then grabbing Les in passion] Say Hallelujah, brother! I believe!
- Les Nessman: Hallelujah!
- Les Nessman: Okay, what do you want? The sky's the limit.
- Bailey Quarters: Nothing.
- Les Nessman: I'll give you... ten dollars!
- Bailey Quarters: Les!
- Les Nessman: Thirteen fifty.
- Herb Tarlek: [after making Les jump with his joy buzzer] I'll tell you what. I'll be thinking of you poor working stiffs while I'm whooping it up in Acron, okay?
- [pats Bailey on the shoulder, another buzz by the joker, laughs heartily as he goes out the office]
- Bailey Quarters: [smiles] I think whooping is against the law in Acron.
- [Les is heavily engrossed in his notions for his thwarted rutabaga scoop]
- Bailey Quarters: Something wrong, Les?
- Les Nessman: I'm working on something really important. It's going to be this year's entry for the Buck-eyed Newshound competition. And Andy wants me on some depressing... hospital story.
- Bailey Quarters: Well, I'll do it.
- Les Nessman: You're not ready for field reporting.
- Bailey Quarters: [rises] Who's not ready?
- Les Nessman: I just meant It's a... pretty dull story, that's all.
- Bailey Quarters: There are no dull stories, only dull reporters.
- Les Nessman: That's true. Well, you know what, Bailey? Why don't you write something up, and I'll, uh, look it over. If it's good enough, maybe I'll let you do it on the air.
- [hands over the assignment]
- Bailey Quarters: [glances at the notes, pleased by the content] Good enough? Well, this will be the best darn story you ever saw.
- Les Nessman: [deviously] We'll see.
- Bailey Quarters: Thank you, Les. You won't be sorry. Just wait till you read it. You're gonna love it.
- [dashes out the office]
- Andy Travis: Bailey...
- Bailey Quarters: Mm?
- Andy Travis: If you ever do that again, you'll be the best-looking reporter on the unemployment line.
- Bailey Quarters: [smiles] Best-looking?
- [Andy nods with a big smile]
- Les Nessman: My tour of the wards was something I'll not soon forget. Everywhere I looked were young faces, filled with promise, that will not be realized. Dreams, that will never come true.
- Les Nessman: But the event that summed up the experience for this reporter came as I was about to leave. I felt a tug on my skirt. At, at my shirt. And looked down into the face of a little boy named Bobby. He's ten years old, and unable to speak. But he reached up, and handed me a picture he had drawn. A crude rendering, of a flower.
- Les Nessman: It's difficult to describe the feelings this reporter had, as he walked through the pens. But I felt a tug on my pant leg. And I looked down, into the face of Harold, a little razorback hog, blind since birth.