WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)
Frog Story (1981)
Howard Hesseman: Dr. Johnny Fever
Quotes
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[Les has giving Johnny a series of physical diagnostic tests]
Dr. Johnny Fever : What's wrong with me, Les?
Les Nessman : [nervously] Probably just a simple cold... You should see a doctor, John. If not now, at least by noon.
Dr. Johnny Fever : Why?
Les Nessman : I'm a newsman, not a neurologist, John.
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Dr. Johnny Fever : This morning, I think I'm dying, all anybody around here can think about is this frog. A pink frog! I'm a human being, you know. It's like the movies though: you can waste the entire Confederate army, nobody cares. 395,000 deader than doornails, but kill one collie, everybody collapses in grief.
Dr. Hunnisett : What's wrong with him?
Les Nessman : Schistosomiasis!
Dr. Hunnisett : [shocked] Really?
-
[first lines]
Jennifer Marlowe : Good morning, Herb.
Herb Tarlek : [carries shoe-box, looks miserable] Hmm.
Jennifer Marlowe : Is something wrong?
Herb Tarlek : Uh, yeah, something's wrong.
Jennifer Marlowe : Could I help, you know, without really getting involved?
Herb Tarlek : No, I don't think so.
[shuffles off]
Jennifer Marlowe : Okay.
Herb Tarlek : [turns back] Could I show you something?
Jennifer Marlowe : [warily] I guess...
[he places shoe-box on desk]
Jennifer Marlowe : Why do you have that?
Herb Tarlek : I, uh, think it's dying.
Jennifer Marlowe : [looks inside] It's pink!
Herb Tarlek : I know.
Jennifer Marlowe : It's a pink frog!
Herb Tarlek : Uh, Greenpeace. It's my, uh, daughter Bunny's pet frog, and I accidentally sprayed him. I was spray-painting the interior of the kitchen cabinets. And I accidentally sprayed him.
[Jennifer is trying very hard to hide that she's laughing]
Herb Tarlek : Something funny?
Jennifer Marlowe : No!
Herb Tarlek : That's one... one hell of a frog there.
Jennifer Marlowe : I know it is!
Dr. Johnny Fever : [entering] Jennifer, got any aspirin?
Jennifer Marlowe : We're out.
Dr. Johnny Fever : [exclaims] How about morphine?
Herb Tarlek : Great God, what is wrong with you?
Dr. Johnny Fever : I have a headache. What is this?
[looks into box]
Dr. Johnny Fever : Funny frog.
Jennifer Marlowe : Herb painted him pink.
Dr. Johnny Fever : New hobby?
Herb Tarlek : It was an accident! I mean, I didn't mean to. I was, I was spraying, and he just sort of jumped in my way, you know how a frog will do that sometime, they sort of jump in your way.
Dr. Johnny Fever : Pink's the wrong color.
Jennifer Marlowe : Oh, I'm sorry, Herb, I really am.
Herb Tarlek : I... I nearly killed my daughter's favorite pet.
Jennifer Marlowe : Well, maybe we can do something. Here, let me see him again.
Herb Tarlek : Okay.
Jennifer Marlowe : [looks inside box] He's not moving.
Herb Tarlek : What? Don't... don't say that.
Jennifer Marlowe : Well, he's not.
Herb Tarlek : Well, do something. Do, do something!
Jennifer Marlowe : I don't know what to do.
Herb Tarlek : What? What? He... he needs water!
Jennifer Marlowe : Oh, he's not moving at all!
Herb Tarlek : [grabs pot filled with hot water, intended for coffee] Stand back! Stand back!
Jennifer Marlowe : Watch out, Herb, that's hot!
[in his panic, it slips out of his hand, sails across office, drops in front of Mr. Carlson's as he enters]