- [Herb is angry at Les for borrowing his comb]
- Les Nessman: I had to look my best. I was going on the air.
- Herb Tarlek: It's radio, you idiot.
- Venus Flytrap: I'll tell you something, I think you got a mean streak.
- Andy Travis: I'm not mean. I'm stupid.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Mr. Craven, I would like to ask you a question about the phone company.
- Wayne Craven: Well, that's what I'm here for. Fire away.
- Jennifer Marlowe: You know, the phone company won't give you a specific time when they'll come to install your phone. So you have to wait all day long, and like most people, I work and can't take the whole day off.
- Wayne Craven: Uh-huh.
- Jennifer Marlowe: So Saturday is the only day I'll be here, but because so many people have the same problem, you can wait up to two, three weeks or more for service.
- Wayne Craven: That's correct.
- Jennifer Marlowe: So it's possible for a person to be without phone service for an entire month.
- Wayne Craven: Yes.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Well, could you tell me why that is?
- Wayne Craven: Well, of course. It's like that because we don't have any competition.
- Herb Tarlek: [angrily] Unless someone comes out here right now and helps me with this piano, I'm never, ever going to speak to any of you again for as long as I live.
- [Mr. Carlson, Johnny, Andy and Venus blissfully ignore Herb]
- [last lines]
- [Les believes that Jennifer's house is haunted]
- Les Nessman: What happened?
- Jennifer Marlowe: I beg your pardon?
- Les Nessman: Last night at that house. Anything happen?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Well, I met a lady whose car I had to replace, and I discovered we have a sex pervert in the neighborhood.
- Les Nessman: No, no, I mean did anything unusual happen?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Oh, you mean *unusual*.
- Les Nessman: Yes, you know.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Well, there was the sound of a door slamming - or maybe it was a shutter - then suddenly lightning and thunder, and then the lightning and thunder and wind disappeared as quickly as they came. After my guests had gone, I checked with the television news, and they reported that the skies had been clear throughout the Cincinnati area all night long. No inclement weather at all.
- Les Nessman: [defiantly] I knew it.
- Jennifer Marlowe: So I decided to turn in around midnight.
- Les Nessman: Midnight? Never turn in at midnight.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Is that wrong?
- Les Nessman: Well, of course it is.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Well, I didn't know, Les.
- Les Nessman: Grow up, Jennifer.
- Jennifer Marlowe: All right. Anyway, I start to hear these noises on the third floor - such strange noises. I couldn't decide if it was a sound or a voice.
- Les Nessman: You have a very evil house. I knew that. I knew it. Go on.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [increasingly more scared] Well, then I started to climb the stairs to the third floor, and as I did, the hall light went out. Well, I just froze. I couldn't go back because I couldn't see, but I could go forward because... because, from under the third floor bedroom door, a light appeared. Something or someone was in that room. But that door is always locked. I don't really know what happened next. I thought I might faint, because there was a force, a power. So I turned around, and the thing spoke to me.
- Les Nessman: What did it say?
- Jennifer Marlowe: [in a sinister tone] It said, "Where's Les?"
- Les Nessman: What?
- Jennifer Marlowe: It said, "Where's Les Nessman?" So I said, "He's gone home. But if you come down to the kitchen, I'll give you his phone number, and address." And so I did, and the thing thanked me and went away.
- [Les giggles nervously as the reception telephone starts to ring]
- Jennifer Marlowe: [answering the telephone] WKRP.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [turning to Les with the receiver] Les, it's for you.
- [Les is about to take the receiver from Jennifer then slowly backs away in fear]
- Herb Tarlek: Good morning, Little Miss Goodie Two Shoes. Still out beating the pavement for signatures? Still trying to make this great big government responsive to the people?
- Bailey Quarters: Yes, I am.
- [smiles]
- Herb Tarlek: [insincere chuckle] You nut!
- Dottie Dahlquist: I'm going to get myself a good lawyer, and I'm going to nail Ken's hide to the nearest Holiday Inn.