- Jennifer Marlowe: What's the matter with you? Whatever happened to Joy to the World, Adeste Fidelis, O Tannenbaum?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Visa, Master Charge, American Express...
- Venus Flytrap: [Venus is dressed as a 'soulful' Santa... walking through the bullpen, singing] I'm dreaming of a...
- Venus Flytrap: [having problems getting the next word of the song out of his mouth, he instead sings] Jingle bells, jingle bells...
- Voice on Radio Commercial: Hey Mom. When you're thinking of that last minute stocking stuffer, here's something different... Shoes!
- Herb Tarlek: We agreed. No gifts this year.
- Jennifer Marlowe: [to all those in the bullpen] *You* decided that. I didn't. Besides, you don't have to get anything. I just wanted to get a little something for each of you. Merry Christmas.
- Herb Tarlek: [to all those in the bullpen after Jennifer leaves the room, and slamming his hands on his desk] Is that a little rotten or what? Well, I'll tell you what, pal. If Miss Blondie thinks I'm gonna rush right out and get her a Christmas present just because she got me one, ho, ho, ho, got another think coming!
- Bailey Quarters: Absolutely.
- Les Nessman: We said no gifts.
- Andy Travis: That's true, we agreed.
- Herb Tarlek: Right.
- [throws pencil into cup - it jumps right out]
- Herb Tarlek: Ugh!
- [stretches arms]
- Herb Tarlek: That's it for me, I'm bushed!
- [heads out, Andy has darted off already, Bailey too, Les follows]
- Jennifer Marlowe: [Johnny and Venus have unexpectedly just arrived at Jennifer's apartment with a Christmas tree] Merry Christmas! What are you guys doing here?
- Venus Flytrap: We were in the neighborhood...
- Dr. Johnny Fever: In the spirit of Christmas, we killed a tree for you.
- Arthur Carlson: [wants to play his decking-the-halls-with-holly joke] Oh, hi, Bailey. Guess what I'm doing?
- [swings tassel of holly]
- Bailey Quarters: [as she walks past] Talking to Jennifer?
- Arthur Carlson: Other than that.
- Bailey Quarters: [entering office] Okay, everybody, let's clear out those desks and set up for the party so we can all have a very good time and get the heck out of here!
- Jennifer Marlowe: Merry Christmas, Andy.
- Andy Travis: Oh, merry Christmas.
- [puts arm around her shoulders]
- Andy Travis: It's nice to see someone with a little Christmas spirit.
- Bailey Quarters: [slams down phone] This stinks! I can't get a flight out of here. I'm on standby. Who do those airlines think they are?
- Arthur Carlson: Come on, Bailey, what's the rush?
- Bailey Quarters: There's no rush. Oh, somebody come over here and eat these cookies, let's go, let's go!
- Les Nessman: Oh, Bailey, thank you for this great piggy bank.
- [hugs gigantic ornament to his chest]
- Bailey Quarters: [giggles] You're welcome. And, Les?
- [holds up heavy book]
- Bailey Quarters: Winning Through Intimidation?
- [nods, giggles]
- Bailey Quarters: Thank you.
- Les Nessman: You're welcome. It certainly helped me.
- Herb Tarlek: [drily] Changed my life.
- Arthur Carlson: [bringing yet another Christmas tree, Jennifer has lots already] What's going on here?
- [to Johnny:]
- Arthur Carlson: I thought she didn't have a tree.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Are you kidding? It's your basic Black Forest.
- Jennifer Marlowe: Oh, hi, Les, come on in, merry Christmas.
- Les Nessman: Oh, thank you, Herb told me to wait downstairs in the car because he had to come up here and give you your Christmas goose.
- [Herb glowers at him]
- Les Nessman: But where's the goose, Herb? I don't see any goose.
- Herb Tarlek: Shut up, Les.