- Andy Travis: [to Doug, who he just fired for payola, including accepting cocaine] I want you out of here, not in five minutes, I want you out of here right now.
- Doug Winner: [turning to Mr. Carlson] Mr. Carlson...
- Arthur Carlson: [gently but firmly] I think you'd better go, son.
- Doug Winner: [turning to leave] Okay. Sure. Sure. Hey, you know something? You guys are nothing but a bunch of small-timers anyway!
- Andy Travis: [knocking the doorknob out of Doug's hand, forcing the door closed, then holding his hand out] Where's the coke?
- Doug Winner: I don't know. I guess Carlson puts it on his feet.
- Arthur Carlson: [Doug leaves and Andy turns to Mr. Carlson, who is stunned and begins beating the foot he put the powder on on the floor frantically] Good heavens! I've lost all the feeling in my left foot!
- Andy Travis: No, you're gonna be all right.
- Arthur Carlson: For the love of Pete, Andy, I'm hooked!
- Andy Travis: No, you're gonna be fine!
- Arthur Carlson: [beating frantically on his foot with his shoe] I've got a monkey on my foot!
- Jennifer Marlowe: [in doorway] I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to show you something.
- Herb Tarlek: [stands up, eagerly awaiting] Do it!
- [Andy enters his office to find Johnny asleep on the couch]
- Andy Travis: [in hushed tones as he hovers above Johnny] Good morning, sweetheart. Do you still respect me?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [still asleep] You know I do. There's never been anyone else, you know that.
- Andy Travis: But you've been married twice already.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [still asleep] Accidents, both of 'em.
- Doug Winner: [on the telephone, pausing after each statement for a response] Murray, this is Winner. Hey, I don't care what time it is man, we made a deal! And I better see you up here sometime today or you can just forget about it!
- Arthur Carlson: [seeing the bag of cocaine in the control booth] What's that?
- Doug Winner: [Johnny turns to Doug, seeing if he'll tell the truth] *You* tell him. You're dying to.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: It's, uh, foot powder, Mr. Carlson.
- Arthur Carlson: [taking the bag] No kidding. Let me see it. Foot powder, huh? Well, there's not much here.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: It's, uh, *really* potent. A little goes a long way. You can't get this stuff in the stores.
- Arthur Carlson: [removing his shoe] Is that right? Hey, I got this problem. I've been buying these Odor-Eaters, they're supposed to last about three months. These suckers turn on me 'bout fifteen days. Can I borrow some of this?
- Doug Winner: To put on your feet?
- Arthur Carlson: If you don't mind.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [encouragingly] Sure, go ahead. Use whatever you need. It's okay with you, Dougy?
- Doug Winner: [hesitantly] Wh... Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
- Arthur Carlson: [getting up to leave with the bag of coke] Thanks, I appreciate that. Do you really think this stuff'll work?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Oh, sure. Actually, this is where the concept of "happy feet" first originated.
- Doug Winner: [angrily after Mr. Carlson has left the booth] That was six hundred dollars worth of coke!
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [in mock sympathy] Tough luck!
- Doug Winner: [nervously] Weh... what do you think he'll do with it?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: [smiling] Carlson's no fool man! He's gonna put it on his feet!
- Andy Travis: [to Doug who on his own volition brings up the issue of a bag of coke, which Doug is trying to claim is Johnny's] You're a liar.
- Arthur Carlson: Oh, come on, now ease up, Travis. I have a little Coke every now and then.
- Andy Travis: I think we're going to have to fire Doug Winner.
- Arthur Carlson: How come?
- Andy Travis: Well, sir, look you know I, uh, let the jocks program some of their own stuff.
- Arthur Carlson: Yeah.
- Andy Travis: Well, two days ago, I told Doug that he seemed to be giving a couple of songs too much play. He said fine, but he didn't stop.
- Arthur Carlson: You don't think the kid's on the take, do you?
- Andy Travis: I'm pretty sure. I made a couple of calls, and it checks out.
- Andy Travis: [about being nice to the new DJ, Doug] Bailey, how about you?
- Bailey Quarters: You know how hard it is for me to talk to strangers.
- Andy Travis: Oh, come on, he's no stranger.
- Bailey Quarters: He's not Johnny either.
- Andy Travis: No, he's not Johnny, he is Doug. Come on, you two ought to give him a break. Look, Johnny is gone and there's not a darn thing we can do about that.
- Mason Noble: [entering Andy's office and shaking his hand] Heeeeey, Andy! Mason Noble. Hey, glad to see ya. Glad to be seen by you. Glad to be glad, hey!
- Andy Travis: Come on, tell us what happened.
- Bailey Quarters: What happened to your L.A. job?
- Herb Tarlek: Did you say 'booger' on the air again?
- Dr. Johnny Fever: No, you can say that on the air out there now. But you can't say '_______'.
- [word was deleted for broadcast, but if you read his lips Johnny says 'jive-ass']