- [Andy suspects that Herb's new client, Dave Wickerman, is selling amphetamines masquerading as diet pills]
- Andy Travis: You, me and Mr. Carlson, we're going to pay a visit to your good friend, Mr. Wickerman.
- Herb Tarlek: [excitedly] You want to lose some weight.
- Andy Travis: Maybe. Maybe a hundred sixty pounds of polyester.
- Venus Flytrap: [about the station marketing knock-off over-the-counter amphetamines] Andy, real speed is gone because it killed everybody. Junkies don't even want it back.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Once the Republicans got in, everyone just switched to downers.
- Andy Travis: I'm sorry, Mr. Bartman, that's not right.
- Frank Bartman: We're not talking about right. We're talking about the law.
- Bailey Quarters: [commercials being ridiculed on air by the disc jockeys] So far the man has been called a scum-bucket, nerd, freak, gutter-snipe, and, uh, what was that other name?
- [giggles]
- Bailey Quarters: Oh, yeah. A wahoo.
- [laughs merrily]
- Bailey Quarters: What's a wahoo?
- Jennifer Marlowe: I think it's some insurance company.
- Arthur Carlson: [enters, very upset] Scum-bucket?
- Bailey Quarters: Uh, yes, sir.
- Arthur Carlson: [to Jennifer] Has Wickerman called in yet?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Not yet.
- Arthur Carlson: All right, ladies, let me tell you what I think we ought to do. Jennifer, would you please call my lawyer?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Yes, sir.
- Arthur Carlson: Bailey, would you mind bringing me the heads of Johnny Fever and Venus Flytrap on a platter?
- Bailey Quarters: [giggles] Yes, sir.
- Arthur Carlson: Where's Travis?
- Jennifer Marlowe: Downstairs. Donut shop.
- Arthur Carlson: Oh. Call there and tell him to come in here again.
- [Jennifer nods]
- Arthur Carlson: And have Les beaten up, for no particular reason.
- Bailey Quarters: Oh, I'll handle that. What about Herb?
- Arthur Carlson: Herb is mine. Thank you, ladies.
- [heads for door]
- Arthur Carlson: Gee, pleasure doing business with women.