- Les Nessman: [to Mr. Carlson] When I think of all the little babies up in heaven waiting to be born, looking for the right kind of parents, and I think about what fine people you and Mrs. Carlson are, I think how lucky some little baby's going to be.
- Andy Travis: Wait a minute, let me get this straight. You're going to fly to Miami... you're going to change planes into a small, dangerous little craft... fly through the Bermuda Triangle with a pilot that does not speak English... rent a boat, hire a guide. Now how much are you into this thing for? About five-thousand dollars?
- Arthur Carlson: Yeah, about.
- Andy Travis: Just to catch this fish and then let it go?
- Arthur Carlson: Yeah.
- Andy Travis: That's got to be fun.
- Jennifer Marlowe: I bet you're just so excited about your trip.
- Carmen Carlson: [sincerely] Bone fishing. Oh well, Arthur enjoys it so.
- Arthur Carlson: Well, you do too.
- Carmen Carlson: [quickly to show that she does] Oh, I do!
- Arthur Carlson: You sure?
- Carmen Carlson: Sure, I'm sure.
- Arthur Carlson: Sure?
- Carmen Carlson: Sure!
- Arthur Carlson: [satisfied] Ahh.
- Arthur Carlson: [about Carmen's pregnancy] When do you suppose it happened?
- Carmen Carlson: Dr. Levin says four weeks ago.
- Arthur Carlson: [sitting down and rifling through his day timer] Four weeks ago... four, four weeks... I bet it was Tuesday night after the Kiwanis dance. Sure were beautiful in that blue dress.
- Carmen Carlson: Maybe it was that night Anson Williams hosted the Tonight Show.
- Arthur Carlson: [pointing in his day timer] No, it was Friday night, remember? Right after we came back from seeing Superman.
- Carmen Carlson: [stuttering over her words] Arthur, I'm over thirty... I might even be over forty, I'd have to check...
- Bailey Quarters: Research shows that the average married couple makes love 2.96 times a week.
- Herb Tarlek: Not so. Not in Cincinnati. I know!
- Les Nessman: Bailey, what are you doing with information like that?
- Bailey Quarters: Oh, well I guess I read it somewhere, Les.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Uh, 2.96. Wonder how they do the, uh, nine six part.
- Bailey Quarters: That is, uh, just an average, Johnny.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Well, it should average out to three. Somebody is not doing something right!
- Jennifer Marlowe: Hello, Mrs. Carlson, How have you been?
- Lillian Carlson: Perfect, and you?
- Jennifer Marlowe: [self-assuredly] The same!
- [Venus has no idea Mrs. Carlson is pregnant]
- Arthur Carlson: Have any idea how old my wife is?
- Venus Flytrap: [looking at Mr. Carlson confused] Beg your pardon?
- Arthur Carlson: I'd sure like to have... have a girl, Venus.
- Venus Flytrap: Mm-hm. We all would, Mr. Carlson.
- Arthur Carlson: Course, you know, a boy would be nice, too.
- Venus Flytrap: [giving Mr. Carlson a perplexed look] Pardon me?
- Arthur Carlson: Why, I mean, I'd prefer a girl, but I, I'd take a boy. I don't care. How about you?
- Venus Flytrap: [concerned as Mr. Carlson has place his arm around Venus' back with his hand on Venus' shoulder] Uh, girl.
- Arthur Carlson: Yeah, you see, uh, I, I'm not that fussy.
- Venus Flytrap: Apparently not.
- Arthur Carlson: Then, there's your age.
- Carmen Carlson: Well, I'm not exactly over the hill yet.
- Arthur Carlson: Well, no, no, but Carmen, you're old.
- Carmen Carlson: [giving Arthur a surprised look] Now wait a minute, Arthur...
- Arthur Carlson: Well, yeah, I don't mean exactly, but old, but you're getting up there.
- Carmen Carlson: [pushing him in the stomach] Now look, tubby...
- Carmen Carlson: [angrily] You always think of me first.
- Arthur Carlson: [slamming his hand on his desk] I do not!
- Carmen Carlson: Yes, you do.
- Arthur Carlson: Well, you're just as bad. The only reason you want the baby is because you know I want it.
- Carmen Carlson: [yelling] Wrong! Why don't you just, for once, think of yourself first.
- Arthur Carlson: [yelling back] Well, it's just like you. All you ever think about is me.
- Carmen Carlson: Just for once, be selfish!
- Arthur Carlson: [slamming his hand on his desk again] I will!
- Herb Tarlek: [fed up with the whole day] That's it for me, pal!
- [shoves his pencil tower work of art he'd been working on all afternoon into wastepaper basket]
- Herb Tarlek: Boom!
- [rises]
- Herb Tarlek: I'm bushed! It's in your hands, Nessman!
- [stretches, about to leave]
- Herb Tarlek: Oh, hey, Big Guy! How's the boy,
- [playful mock punch]
- Herb Tarlek: how's the guy,
- [another playful mock punch]
- Herb Tarlek: how's the man, how's the stud?
- [another playful mock punch]
- Arthur Carlson: Go home, Herb.
- Herb Tarlek: Exactly. My thinking exactly. Night, Bailey.
- Bailey Quarters: Night, Herb.
- [rises from behind desk as Herb finally leaves]
- Bailey Quarters: Uh, Mr. Carlson?
- [no response]
- Bailey Quarters: Uh, Mr. Carlson?
- [pats him on the shoulder, chuckles, at last gets noticed]
- Bailey Quarters: I just want to say that I'm very happy...
- Arthur Carlson: [absentmindedly] Oh, good, Bailey.
- Bailey Quarters: No, I just want to say that I'm very happy for you
- [sweetly:]
- Bailey Quarters: and Mrs. Carlson...
- [chuckles]
- Arthur Carlson: Oh, thanks.
- Bailey Quarters: You're welcome.
- [snickers]
- Bailey Quarters: Good night. Good night, Les. See you later.
- [busy scribbling at his desk, he just nods, head remaining down]
- Bailey Quarters: Well, have a very... pleasant evening, everybody!
- [to herself as she retreats:]
- Bailey Quarters: Okay, Bailey, uh, see you later! Okay, great... All right! Get out of here! Fine!
- [slings jacket over shoulder, out the door]