- Joe Montgomery Hackett: [after finding a teddy bear hanging by a noose over his desk] What did I tell you? Sandy is crazy! Maybe you'll believe me now!
- Helen Chapel: Yeah, Joe's right. This is pretty weird.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Let's not jump to any conclusions, okay? This could be a suicide. Check the bear for signs of a struggle.
- Alex Lambert: Maybe we should call the police.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Yeah, because if we stand here and do nothing, then another innocent stuffed toy could get whacked.
- Helen Chapel: Brian...
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Yeah, c'mon - this is not funny! We gotta do something!
- Alex Lambert: Now, first things first. I think we should... notify the bear's next-of-kin.
- Helen Chapel: How can you two kid around at a time like this?
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Thank you, Helen!
- Helen Chapel: A bear has died!
- Antonio Scarpacci: I'll never have enough money to send to my father.
- Roy Biggins: Oh, Scarpacci, quit complaining. At least your dad's an ocean away. My mom is right down the road at that old folks home - or as I like to call it, "Seizures Palace."
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Are you telling me that you didn't see it? The way that she hugged Helen, and she purposely didn't hug me?
- Brian Michael Hackett: She didn't hug me either.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: That's just how devious she is.