- Joe Montgomery Hackett: [Brian wants to buy a $15,000 cello for Helen] Fifteen thousand dollars, fifteen *thousand* dollars! What have we got that's worth fifteen thousand dollars?
- Brian Michael Hackett: You are sittin' on it.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: I am *not* going in *that* line of work.
- Brian Michael Hackett: I'm talking about taking out a mortgage on the house. And *don't* flatter yourself.
- Antonio Scarpacci: Roy, you play the part of a producer.
- Roy Biggins: Oh. A producer, huh?
- Antonio Scarpacci: Yes. You are an overbearing, pompous windbag.
- Roy Biggins: [proudly] Sounds like a great character.
- [Exits]
- Antonio Scarpacci: [to Fay] That's not his character. I've just been dying to say that to him.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Lowell, why are you sitting here in the dark?
- Lowell Mather: [expressionless] It's relaxing.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Yeah well, Lowell, the idea of you sitting alone in here in the dark makes me nervous.
- Lowell Mather: Then you should try sitting in the dark sometime. It's relaxing.