Eddie Kaye Thomas: Fat Pat

Quotes 

• Darrin Tyler : [Jaye brings Pat to family game night]  The shut-in is certainly bringing out Sharon's competitive streak.

  Fat Pat : You guys are going down.

  Karen Tyler : I think it's time for him to leave.

  Darrin Tyler : Uh-huh.

  Aaron Tyler : [seeing Jaye glance at the cow cream dispenser]  I saw that.

  Darrin Tyler : Saw what?

  Aaron Tyler : She was talking to the cow creamer.

  Jaye : No, I... I really wasn't.

  Darrin Tyler : Don't tease your brother.

  Aaron Tyler : What did the cow tell you to do?

• Jaye : [Pat is in the hospital]  You're dehydrated. You lost a lot of weight... in an unusual fashion.

  Fat Pat : Something get amputated?

  Marianne Marie Beattle : I guess I should have warned you about my muffins. They're fat-free.

  [flashback to her cooking] 

  Fat Pat : I overdosed on a noncaloric fat replacer?

  Jaye : Uh-huh. You tried to make yourself fat again, but ended up reaching your goal weight.

  Fat Pat : How much did I lose?

  Marianne Marie Beattle : 13 pounds. That stuff really moves business through.

  Fat Pat : That's one pound over my goal weight.

  Jaye : Congratulations.

  Marianne Marie Beattle : I would like to make a business proposal. I had some time to organize my thoughts while you were in your coma.

  [taking index cards out of her purse and flipping through them as she reads] 

  Marianne Marie Beattle : "After considering the accelerated manner in which you achieved your dieting goals... it has occurred to me that you have more to offer the American consumer than meets the eye. As someone who has experienced the nutritional benefits of Muffin Buffalo firsthand, you would make an ideal spokesperson. If you decided to join me in this venture, your name could become synonymous with healthy snack food."

  Fat Pat : You want me? I... I don't know what to say. I'd be honored. Thank you.

  Marianne Marie Beattle : Don't thank me.

  Jaye : Well, you're not thanking me.

  Marianne Marie Beattle : Yes, I am. I am thanking you. I've been ruminating on events.

  Jaye : I didn't do anything!

  Marianne Marie Beattle : Those disability checks you stole? More money than I've saved in my entire life.

  Jaye : Stop.

  Fat Pat : If you hadn't...

  Jaye : Stop! Stop thanking me!

  [storming out] 

  Jaye : What is it with you people? God!

  Marianne Marie Beattle : Good Lord, woman. There's such a thing as grace.