Wonderfalls (TV Series)
Muffin Buffalo (2004)
Lee Pace: Aaron Tyler
Quotes
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Aaron Tyler : The fact that it's a cow creamer is proof that my sister is insane. Do you even have a degree?
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Dr. Ron Campbell : So, you set a trap for your sister using this cow creamer as bait?
Aaron Tyler : Totally.
Dr. Ron Campbell : That's cracked.
Aaron Tyler : How is it cracked to be concerned for the welfare of a family member?
Dr. Ron Campbell : I mean the creamer. It's cracked.
Aaron Tyler : Oh, yeah. I broke its head off the last time it talked to her.
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Aaron Tyler : What are you?
Jaye : Huh?
Aaron Tyler : Are you like Dr. Doolittle?
Karen Tyler : Your blood sugar's low. Dip something.
Aaron Tyler : It's not my blood sugar. There's something out there, and it's laughing at us.
Sharon Tyler : [meaning Jaye] Did she do this to you?
Darrin Tyler : You really think that your sister's special lunch is the appropriate place for an existential crisis?
Aaron Tyler : It's not an existential crisis.
Karen Tyler : You're studying religion for God's sake. You're bound to have one sooner or later.
Aaron Tyler : Not an existential crisis! Just the opposite. I was fine when existence had no meaning. Meaninglessness in a universe that had no meaning, that I get. But meaninglessness in a universe that has meaning... what does it mean?
Jaye : It doesn't mean anything.
Aaron Tyler : Did the cow creamer tell you that?
Darrin Tyler : What has gotten into you?
Karen Tyler : I'm throwing that creamer away the second we get home.
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Darrin Tyler : [Jaye brings Pat to family game night] The shut-in is certainly bringing out Sharon's competitive streak.
Fat Pat : You guys are going down.
Karen Tyler : I think it's time for him to leave.
Darrin Tyler : Uh-huh.
Aaron Tyler : [seeing Jaye glance at the cow cream dispenser] I saw that.
Darrin Tyler : Saw what?
Aaron Tyler : She was talking to the cow creamer.
Jaye : No, I... I really wasn't.
Darrin Tyler : Don't tease your brother.
Aaron Tyler : What did the cow tell you to do?
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Jaye : See anything?
Aaron Tyler : No. Wait. No. This trailer park is void of activity. Shouldn't you people be having hoedowns or shooting beer cans or something?
Jaye : Stop wasting film. We have a mythical beast to document.
Aaron Tyler : [she tries to wrest the camera away] Mine!
Jaye : You're gonna break it.
Aaron Tyler : What do you care? You stole it from work.
Jaye : It was in the lost and found bin. It's a victimless crime.
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Jaye : [spying on a neighbor in her trailer park] He's such a tease. I haven't seen so much as a flip-flop in a year.
Aaron Tyler : You don't feel at all like you're exploiting this guy?
Jaye : Uh-uh. What's the point of living in a trailer park if you can't take in the local color? And by that, I mean spy on the freaks.
Aaron Tyler : We're all spying on freaks tonight. Talk to any cow creamers recently?
Jaye : Not recently. No. You think maybe he got so fat, he can't get out?
Aaron Tyler : His door is very narrow.
Jaye : He only opens it for food. It's pizza night, so he'll have to open it wide enough to get that box in.
Aaron Tyler : If your portly chupacabra doesn't emerge soon, I'll be forced to go home and work on my dissertation.
Jaye : I don't call him that anymore. He might be of Mexican descent. I don't wanna seem insensitive.
Aaron Tyler : What do you call him?
Jaye : Fat Pat. It was Fatsquatch, but... so, do Mom and Dad think you're over here studying Jesus and Zeus and Buddha and all the rest?
Aaron Tyler : Uh-huh. So, do Mom and Dad know you talk to things that don't talk?
Jaye : It is impressive how long you've managed to fleece them from your ivory tower of academia.
Aaron Tyler : I'm not fleecing. I'm working really hard on my education. Just not right now.