Wonderfalls (TV Series)
Wax Lion (2004)
Caroline Dhavernas: Jaye Tyler
Quotes
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Mahandra McGinty : And what happens when you repress something?
Jaye : It goes away?
Mahandra McGinty : It comes back, all crazy and pissed off!
-
[Jaye has a bruise under one eye]
Mahandra McGinty : What happened to you?
Jaye : I got into a fight with a middle-aged Texas housewife in the course of performing a good deed.
Mahandra McGinty : Why were you doing a good deed?
Jaye : I wanted to see what it felt like.
-
Jaye : I found your purse.
Ronnie : [taking it and looking inside] Well, where's my wallet? My brush? My tampons? I had a lot of very expensive makeup in this bag.
Jaye : It was in the garbage.
Ronnie : Then how'd you find it? Wednesday your day to dig through the trash?
Jaye : Your voice just got loud.
Ronnie : You bet your ass my voice just got loud, because you and your little friend stole my purse.
Jaye : What?
Ronnie : Morley Safer did a whole thing on identity theft. I know how you people work. Little packs preyin' on tourists. You're probably here now just tryin' to trick me into tellin' you my mother's maiden name. You bitch!
Jaye : I came here to be nice. I knocked on 71 doors looking for your sorry ass just to be nice.
[showing Ronnie her hand]
Jaye : My knuckles are raw!
[taking it as a threat, Ronnie punches her in the face in response]
-
Darrin Tyler : [after Jaye fainted at work] Did anyone examine her?
Karen Tyler : A very handsome paramedic said he couldn't find anything physically wrong. Didn't you think he was handsome?
Sharon Tyler : Please stop asking me that.
Darrin Tyler : A paramedic is not qualified to tell you that nothing is wrong.
Aaron Tyler : It's not physical, it's emotional. She lives in a trailer park. Clearly, she's disturbed. I mean... clearly.
Karen Tyler : She's not disturbed; she's depressed. And they have pills for that now. Can't you prescribe something?
Darrin Tyler : You don't just start popping pills because you feel a little down. I mean, there are other ways to deal with depression. Sweetheart, when's the last time you had an orgasm?
Sharon Tyler : [awkward silence] That sound you hear is stunned silence.
Darrin Tyler : There's nothing to be ashamed of. Millions of people have orgasms every day.
Jaye : Not ashamed. Mortified.
Darrin Tyler : Maybe she should talk to Dr. Ron.
Karen Tyler : I really don't want her talking to my therapist. She'll give him ideas.
Jaye : Don't need therapy. All better now.
Sharon Tyler : I think we should put her down.
Karen Tyler : Sharon.
Aaron Tyler : It is just like going to sleep.
-
Karen Tyler : I need to talk to you about the monkey.
Jaye : What monkey?
Karen Tyler : The one you stole from Dr. Ron's office. He'd like it back. He's refusing to see me until he gets it, so you should take care of that right away.
Jaye : I didn't take the monkey.
Karen Tyler : Sharon, another cigarette? Aren't your fingertips yellow enough?
[Sharon leaves]
Karen Tyler : Of course you took the monkey, sweetheart. He's got it all on tape. He put a security camera in his office after that Olsen girl stabbed herself and told everyone he tried to kill her.
Jaye : Oh. Okay. Then I guess I have the monkey. Can't you just buy him a new one?
-
Jaye : Do you think crazy people know they're crazy?
Mahandra McGinty : Crazy insane? Or crazy like... when I put a video camera in my house and pretended I was on "Big Brother"?
Jaye : Crazy insane. Supposedly, when you think you're crazy, you're really not. Think that's true?
Mahandra McGinty : Um, give me context.
Jaye : You know that vending machine that makes little wax animals?
Mahandra McGinty : Yeah.
Jaye : Well, it made a little smooshed-face lion.
Mahandra McGinty : Mm-hmm.
Jaye : And it talked to me.
Mahandra McGinty : What did it say?
Jaye : It told me not to give a customer her money back.
Mahandra McGinty : Was she being a bitch?
Jaye : Yeah.
Mahandra McGinty : There you go.
-
Sharon Tyler : You're 24. "Troubled teen" is no longer flattering on you.
Jaye : Nice talking to you.
Sharon Tyler : You better stop!
Jaye : [getting hit with a thrown shoe] Ow! Oh, that was dramatic.
Sharon Tyler : If you really wanted this to be dramatic, you should've called Mom.
Jaye : What's that supposed to mean?
Sharon Tyler : Grow up is what it means. Getting arrested for disorderly conduct? Really, though.
Jaye : She hit me first!
Sharon Tyler : Oh, that is so surprising. I can't imagine why anyone would ever wanna hit you. And fainting at work? What is that about? Are you starving yourself again?
Jaye : Why are you being such a cow? You're my sister.
Sharon Tyler : You tell people we're not related.
Jaye : It was just that one time.
Sharon Tyler : It was Grandpa's wake.
Jaye : Well, you always have such a bug up your ass.
Sharon Tyler : Just curious, how many people did you call before you called me?
Jaye : Five. No, six. You were the only one home.
-
Eric Gotts : [recounting the dissolution of his marriage] You know, I've been thinking. I'm almost numb enough to start something on the rebound. What do you say?
Jaye : Sweet of you to offer, but I may be clinically insane. You might wanna hold out for someone a little more stable.
Eric Gotts : I don't think that'd be as interesting.
-
Sharon Tyler : You've never asked me who I was dating or if I was even interested in anybody, and now you're setting me up on a blind date?
Jaye : So what?
Sharon Tyler : I'm not complaining. I think it's wonderful, I really do, but you are not the same girl who made all my clothes smell like cat pee. What is going on with you?
Jaye : I don't know. I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like a pinball. I've been bouncing off bumpers and flippers tryin' to get something to happen, but I had no idea what it was. And then all of a sudden, there's a tracheotomy and you're a lesbian, and there's this other lesbian and... I was just trying to do what I thought I was supposed to do, but they didn't tell me what it was; they just kept on making me guess.
Sharon Tyler : Who made you guess?
Jaye : [covering] Nobody. The proverbial "they".
[Sharon puts a comforting arm around Jaye]
Muse : [prompting her through the monkey statue Jaye stole] "I love you."
Jaye : [a little reluctant] I... love you.
Sharon Tyler : I love you, too.
Jaye : I don't feel dirty. I thought was gonna feel dirty.
Sharon Tyler : Because you said "I love you"?
Jaye : Mm-hmm. I don't feel dirty at all, which is surprising. You know, maybe we could say it again sometime. But not for a while and not often.
Sharon Tyler : How about birthdays and holidays?
Jaye : Okay. But never in public.
-
Dr. Ron Campbell : Tell me about your family.
Jaye : I really don't wanna gossip.
Dr. Ron Campbell : Would you say your family life is stressful?
Jaye : Not that I'm aware of. Does my mother say it's stressful?
Dr. Ron Campbell : We're not talking about your mother.
Jaye : Not yet.
Dr. Ron Campbell : Do you feel pressured to live up to your mother's expectations?
Jaye : I thought we weren't talking about my mother.
Dr. Ron Campbell : We're not. We're talking about you.
Jaye : [a brass statue of a monkey on his desk begins to move] I'm confused.
Dr. Ron Campbell : That's perfectly normal.
Muse : [speaking through the statue] Perfectly normal.
-
Jaye : I ran into Gretchen Speck today. Her hair looked like carpet.
Mahandra McGinty : I always hated her. Remember when she wiped her ass with Margaret Wayne's gym towel?
Jaye : Oh, yeah. That was really mean.
Mahandra McGinty : Yeah.
Jaye : Mm. I fainted today.
Mahandra McGinty : What?
Jaye : Word on the street is it's stress.
Mahandra McGinty : You don't have stress.
Jaye : I have lots of stress. I work retail. And by the way, the mouth-breather is now my boss. Should've seen my mother when she found out. Looked like she'd just dried her face with Margaret Wayne's gym towel. I think I actually enjoyed telling her.
-
Jaye : [in her mobile home] How'd you get in?
Sharon Tyler : Climbed through the window. You're gonna need a new screen.
Jaye : Couldn't wait in your luxury SUV?
Sharon Tyler : I did, but there was this dirty kid eating Spaghettios out of a can and he wouldn't stop staring at me.
-
Jaye : [tricking her sister into a blind date, she excuses herself] Quick, get me drunk.
Eric Gotts : [offering a tray] Jell-O shooter?
Jaye : Do you have grape?
-
Karen Tyler : [after hearing Jaye fainted at work] Everyone's here. Untie the door and let us in.
Darrin Tyler : What's she doing back there?
Aaron Tyler : Maybe she's taking a dump.
Karen Tyler : Must you be such a sow?
Sharon Tyler : The mouth-breather at the store said she went pale, twitched a couple of times, and passed out.
Darrin Tyler : Well, that doesn't sound good.
Karen Tyler : He called it a "'sode", short for "episode."
Jaye : I'm fine. You can go home now.
Karen Tyler : Sweetheart, you're not fine. You had a 'sode.
Jaye : Just low blood sugar. Ate a Snickers. Thanks for coming.
Sharon Tyler : If this is an intervention, shouldn't we be intervening?
Darrin Tyler : Who said anything about an intervention?
Karen Tyler : It's not so much an intervention as it is a collective expression of concern.
Sharon Tyler : You said "intervention."
Karen Tyler : Well, it got you here, didn't it?
-
Dr. Ron Campbell : I understand there's some animosity between you and your sister. Care to elaborate?
Jaye : She hates me.
Dr. Ron Campbell : "Hate" is a strong word.
Jaye : Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Dr. Ron Campbell : How does that make you feel?
Jaye : One less person to worry about.
Dr. Ron Campbell : When's the last time you told your sister you loved her?
Jaye : I don't know how you did things in your family, but we weren't raised that way.
-
Ronnie : You didn't give me my discount, and this lion is defective.
Jaye : What?
Ronnie : The face. It's all funky.
[Jaye picks up the wax lion to inspect it, and Ronnie shows her a picture of how it's supposed to look]
Jaye : Vending machine's not ours. If you have a complaint, there's a number on the side.
Ronnie : What about my discount?
Jaye : What about it?
Ronnie : I'm a guest at the Hillcrest. We're supposed to get 10% off local merchants, one of which is you.
Jaye : That discount has to be presented at the time of purchase.
Ronnie : My ass. I'm presentin' it now.
Jaye : Did you just say "my ass"?
-
Mahandra McGinty : Why'd you steal that monkey?
Jaye : It told me to.
Mahandra McGinty : [Jaye turns it around] Is it gonna tell me to steal something?
Jaye : I'd be so happy if it did. You have no idea.
-
Jaye : I guess I thought if I could just get my sister laid, the little wax lion might just shut up.
Eric Gotts : The wax lion wanted your sister to have sex?
Jaye : I'm assuming.
Eric Gotts : Does the little wax lion ever tell you to burn things or hurt people?
Jaye : He's probably working up to that.
-
Jaye : So you're a lesbian now.
Sharon Tyler : Just now.
Jaye : I could see doing a girl... in prison if there weren't any guys around, especially if the girl was Drew Barrymore.
[Sharon covers her face in embarrassment]
Jaye : What? Just trying to be supportive.
Sharon Tyler : Yeah, a-about that, why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?
Jaye : I have always been nice to you.
Sharon Tyler : No, you have not. When I was 17, you put a space heater and a litter box in my closet for a week while I was on spring break. You have not always been nice to me.
-
Mahandra McGinty : I think it's natural to embody the world around us with consciousness.
Jaye : You do?
Mahandra McGinty : Yeah. It's all that tree-hugging crap. Like, when the Native Americans...
Jaye : Indians.
Mahandra McGinty : Like when Indians say that everything has a soul; the wind, your cell phone, the little smooshed-face lion. They all have souls.
Jaye : Uh-huh. But when I say it talked to me, I mean it opened its mouth and words came out.
Mahandra McGinty : I know.
Jaye : It blinked.
Mahandra McGinty : I'm sure it did.
Jaye : And you don't have a problem with that?
Mahandra McGinty : Do you?
-
Jaye : Niagara Falls, one of the seven natural wonders of the world. America's vacationland and honeymoon capital of the greater Buffalo region.
Loitering Boy : So, what about the legend?
Jaye : I'm getting to that.
Loitering Boy : I wanna hear about the Maid of the Mist.
Jaye : Are you gonna let me talk? Okay. So, there was this god who lived in the waterfall, and these Indians were all afraid of him because he kept killing people. They were like, "Hey, how do we get this guy to stop killing everybody?" And someone said, "Let's give him presents." So they gave him all this stuff, and he was still mad, so they figured, well, if he likes killing people so much, why don't they just kill some people for him? So the chief volunteers his daughter 'cause he thinks that's honorable or something. And they tossed princess in a boat and sent her down the river.
Loitering Boy : Native Americans never practiced human sacrifice.
Jaye : Don't interrupt me again. The chief does the whole "Oh, my god. What have I done?" and paddles his canoe out to save her, but princess wasn't having any of that. She's all, "No, no. I surrender to destiny." Famous last words. Seriously. They put it on bathrobes and stuff. Anyway, so then princess takes the plunge. But it's all good, 'cause the god thought the daughter was hot, so he spared her life. He promised if she stayed with him in the cave, he'd forgive her people and protect and enchant their land until the end of time. So she agreed to live with the god in the waterfall and became Maid of the Mist. And thanks to princess, Niagara has remained an enchanted wonderland despite hundreds of years of commercial development.
Loitering Boy : What happened to the chief?
Jaye : He died.
Loitering Boy : Why'd the princess live?
Jaye : 'Cause she was hot. You gonna buy the tape?
Loitering Boy : No.
Jaye : Then get out. No loitering.
-
Mahandra McGinty : You're spiteful in a way the definition of spiteful doesn't quite prepare you for.
Jaye : Nuh-Uh!
Mahandra McGinty : Uh-Huh! Disappointing your family is an extreme sport for you.
-
Gretchen Speck-Horowitz : So how about you? Did you end up over-educated and unemployable like you said in the yearbook?
Jaye : Yup. Went to Brown. Got a philosophy degree. Now I work here.
