- Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
- Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house...
- Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.
- Mayor Quimby: People, please. We're all frightened and horny, but we can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring!
- Homer: We can outsmart those dolphins. Don't forget - we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup.
- [Pulling broccoli from Homer's corpse]
- Dr. Hibbert: Another broccoli-related death.
- Marge: But I thought broccoli was...
- Dr. Hibbert: Oh yes. One of the deadliest plants on earth. It tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.
- [the witch beats Lisa with a broom handle]
- Witch: Stop your chattering and sweep! This house is filthy!
- Bart: So what do you care? It's not like you have friends.
- Witch: I have a boyfriend!
- Lisa Simpson, Bart: [laughing together] Yeah right/sure.
- Witch: What? I do!
- Lisa Simpson: Oh yeah? What's his name?
- Witch: Uh... George!
- [looks at her boiling cauldron]
- Witch: Cauldron!
- Lisa Simpson: George Cauldron? Maybe he can fix me up with Ed Ladle!
- [Homer has just performed the good deed he needs to get into heaven]
- Homer: There, did you see that?
- Saint Peter: Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't looking.
- Homer: I thought you guys were always watching.
- Saint Peter: No, you're thinking of Santa Claus.
- Dolphins: [after Lisa frees Snorky from the water park]
- [subtitled]
- Dolphins: Your Majesty! You're free at last!
- Snorky: [subtitled] They made me do tricks, like a common seal!
- Dolphins: [subtitled] Can you put it behind you?
- Snorky: [subtitled] No! Here's my secret plan.
- [he whispers an inaudible plan to the other dophins, as a crab overhears, realizes what is happening, and scuttles away in fear]
- [last lines]
- Kang: Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show
- Kodos: Are you sure the space phone is working?
- [Kang tries it]
- Kodos: Hang up, they could be trying to call right now!
- Kang: I knew we should have sent them a muffin basket.
- Kodos: [the phone rings and Kodos answers] Kang and Kodos Productions. Uh-huh... Yes... Just a second. Do we want to do a commercial for something called, "Old Navy?"
- Kang: [shrugs] Ehh, work is work.