Daria (TV Series)
Dye! Dye! My Darling (2000)
Tracy Grandstaff: Daria Morgendorffer
Quotes
-
Daria Morgendorffer : So... what happens now?
Jane Lane : I was hoping you knew.
Daria Morgendorffer : Are we still friends?
[Jane doesn't answer]
Daria Morgendorffer : Are we?
Jane Lane : Yeah. We're the kind of friends who can't stand the sight of each other.
Daria Morgendorffer : Temporarily, right?
Jane Lane : I hope so, Daria.
-
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Why is everyone so mad at me?
Daria Morgendorffer : Why? Why? Because I moved to this town and I knew immediately I'd be a total outcast. And in the one moment of good luck I've had in my entire life, I met another outcast who I could really be friends with and not have to feel completely alone. And then you came along and screwed the whole thing up!
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : All I did was meet a girl I thought was cool and I went out with her for a while. We started to get bored with each other. It happens all the time. It's nobody's fault.
Daria Morgendorffer : Oh yeah? Would you still be bored with her if I weren't around?
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Probably. And more to the point, she'd be bored with me. It's got nothing to do with you.
Daria Morgendorffer : Good. Because I'm not interested in you, and I'd be stabbing my friend in the back if I even considered it
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : Exactly. And what kind of a jerk would that make me?
Daria Morgendorffer : Exactly.
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : All right then.
Daria Morgendorffer : Okay.
[they kiss]
Daria Morgendorffer : Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit!
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I liked it, too.
Daria Morgendorffer : That's not funny!
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : I know.
[they kiss again]
Thomas 'Tom' Sloane : That was definitely not funny.
Daria Morgendorffer : I gotta go!
[runs out of the car]
-
Daria Morgendorffer : ...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh.
Daria Morgendorffer : I didn't mean it that way.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...
Daria Morgendorffer : Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : I'm sure it was just a one-time...
Daria Morgendorffer : Twice.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.
Daria Morgendorffer : Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria... nobody got killed.
Daria Morgendorffer : No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : What about Tom?
Daria Morgendorffer : I'm not thinking about Tom!
[sighs]
Daria Morgendorffer : You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.
Daria Morgendorffer : Who came up with that stupid arrangement?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It's called life.
Daria Morgendorffer : Life sucks.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Yes. Sometimes... often.
Daria Morgendorffer : *That's* reassuring.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.
Daria Morgendorffer : You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Honest?
Daria Morgendorffer : Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.
-
Jane Lane : Maybe we'd better to talk about this later.
Daria Morgendorffer : There's nothing to talk about. You're delusional.
Jane Lane : Oh, well, in that case, I can just talk to myself about it.
-
[Daria and Jane are browsing through the store for hair-coloring products]
Jane Lane : "Golden Heather Blonde," "Dewy Cornfield Blonde," "April Wheat Blonde"... I just want to bleach my hair, not start a freaking farm.
Daria Morgendorffer : Well, I'm looking for "Blonde as a Bat," but so far no luck.
-
Daria Morgendorffer : [while mixing the bleach to dye Jane's hair] This stuff stinks. Why can't they just mix it before they put it in the bottle?
Jane Lane : Because the vapors would build up and it would explode.
Daria Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, that sounds like something I'd want seeping into my scalp.
-
Daria Morgendorffer : ...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [misunderstanding] Oh.
Daria Morgendorffer : I didn't mean it that way.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...
Daria Morgendorffer : Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : I'm sure it was just a one-time...
Daria Morgendorffer : Twice.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : [sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.
Daria Morgendorffer : Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria... nobody got killed.
Daria Morgendorffer : No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : What about Tom?
Daria Morgendorffer : I'm not thinking about Tom!
[sighs]
Daria Morgendorffer : You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.
Daria Morgendorffer : Who came up with that stupid arrangement?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : It's called life.
Daria Morgendorffer : Life sucks.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Yes. Sometimes.
[pause]
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Often.
Daria Morgendorffer : That's reassuring.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.
Daria Morgendorffer : You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Honest?
Daria Morgendorffer : Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.