House M.D. (TV Series)

Sleeping Dogs Lie (2006)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Quotes 

• Dr. Allison Cameron : [coming in, with Foreman and Chase, to announce a patient's symptoms]  We've got rectal bleeding.

  Dr. Gregory House : What, all of you?

• Dr. Allison Cameron : Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a six foot long hose shoved into your large intestine?

  Dr. Gregory House : No, but I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [finds House sleeping]  You've seen one patient in the last two hours.

  Dr. Gregory House : Complicated case. I'm a night owl. Wilson's an early bird. We're different species.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Move him into his own cage.

  Dr. Gregory House : Who'll clean the droppings from mine?

• Dr. Allison Cameron : Is this just one of your experiments? You just wanted to see how I'd react to being screwed over by Foreman?

  Dr. Gregory House : Nice idea, but no. This was just good old-fashioned laziness. Gotta hand it to Foreman though, he knew that you were a suck up and I don't give a crap. He successfully exploited us both.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : Right. We're both victims. A simple heads up, that's all I needed. Maybe between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts, you could have tipped me off.

  Dr. Gregory House : Then I'd have Foreman pissed at me. And as annoying as you can be, at least I know you're not going to pop a cap in my ass. Witty, huh?

• Dr. Gregory House : [looks after her as she walks]  You, on the other hand,

  [Cameron stops in her tracks and turns to him, hands on her hips] 

  Dr. Gregory House : continue to be flabbergasted every time someone actually acts like a human being.

  [Cameron softly scoffs] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Foreman did what he did 'cause it worked out best that way for him.

  [slightly bends over and raises his eyebrows] 

  Dr. Gregory House : That's what everyone does.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : That is not the definition of being human. That's the definition of being an ass.

  [walks away and House turns his head in frustration; cut to moving shot of hospital with background music] 

• Dr. Gregory House : Whatever this woman has, it's not showing up on our tests which means she's sick. Just not sick enough for us to see it.

  Dr. Robert Chase : You want us to make her sicker?

  Dr. Gregory House : Yes. I want to stress her body. Specifically her brain. Keep her awake.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : Depriving her of even the few minutes of sleep she does have, it's torture.

  Dr. Gregory House : So is cutting people with knives, but you can totally get away with that if you have a doctor coat on.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : She took the pills to sleep, not to kill herself.

  Dr. Gregory House : Clever alibi.

• Dr. Allison Cameron : [to Foreman]  You stole my article.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : I wouldn't do that.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : I wrote up the case where we induced hypothermic cardiac arrest in the terminal cancer girl.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : I wrote my own. I didn't steal yours.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : You knew I was writing one. You gave me notes!

  Dr. Gregory House : Got a case. It can wait. You two finish.

  [to Chase] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Five bucks says someone loses an eye.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Cameron and Foreman]  If you two guys can't play nice together, I'm taking away your toys.

• Anne : [to House about her mother]  She has a... menstrual problems. They're really bad. The pain keeps her in bed all day. Plus, she's super depressed.

  Dr. Gregory House : She said "super depressed"?

• Dr. Gregory House : Judging by the redness around your mom's nostrils and the tissue she's got conveniently stashed in her wristband, I'd say her problem is more likely a URI than a PMS.

  Anne : URI?

  Dr. Gregory House : Upper respiratory infection. Cold.

  Anne : I don't think so...

  Dr. Gregory House : I also think she's got a problem with SAC.

  Anne : SAC?

  Dr. Gregory House : Thanks for playing. Stupid American Child. If you want the pill, all you have to do is to walk into any health clinic in Jersey alone and ask for it.

• Dr. Gregory House : I need a little help.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Inexplicable rash on a patient's scrotum you need me to look at?

• Dr. Gregory House : What are you doing here? Who's keeping her awake?

  Dr. Eric Foreman : Doesn't matter. Liver function tests are through the sky. The liver's not compromised. It's dead. She doesn't need a diagnosis. She needs a new liver.

  Dr. Gregory House : She's not getting a new liver unless we can figure out what's wrong with her.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : Test for cirrhosis: 12 hours. Test for hepatitis: 8. Her liver's not going to last another 6.

  Dr. Gregory House : So your advice is we just give up?

• Dr. Gregory House : It's only moral to save a person if they love you? It's kind of a selfish way of looking at life.