The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpsons Tall Tales (2001)

Hank Azaria: Moe Szyslak, Carl, Frink, Chief Wiggum, Hobo, Mr. Silas

Quotes 

• Lisa : Excuse me, Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan. And his size seems to be really inconsistent. I mean, one minute, he's ten feet tall, the next, his feet are as big as a lake.

  Hobo : Hey, hey, hey! Who's the hobo here?

  Lisa : I'm just sayin'.

• Hobo : [the Simpsons meet a hobo in a boxcar]  Don't worry! I'm not a stabbin' hobo; I'm a singin' hobo!

  [Strums banjo and sings] 

  Hobo : Nothin' beats the hobo life / Stabbin' folks with my ho-bo-knife!

• Bart Simpson : [the hobo finishes his Paul Bunyan story]  Boy, that story had everything. A giant, house crushing, a meteor...

  Marge Simpson : Townspeople.

  Lisa : Got any more tall tales?

  Hobo : Well, I suppose I could spin ya a few more yarns. But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.

  Homer : [the family exchange looks with each other]  All right. But your next story better be worth it.

  Hobo : [lifting his leg]  Get in there good. Yeah, that's it. Don't be shy. There you go.

• Principal Skinner : [managing to knock Paul Bunyan out]  Good Lord! Brought down by one beer?

  Moe Szyslak : [holding an oversized tranquilizer pill]  And a couple of these babies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the barn dance.

• Hobo : [singing]  Now, Paul and Babe were a mighty fine match/But the man had an itch that an ox couldn't scratch.

  Paul Bunyan : Huh?

  [gasping as he sees Marge] 

  Paul Bunyan : She's pretty.

  Marge Simpson : Oh. What a handsome man.

  [they run towards each other; realizing his size, she screams and runs the other way] 

  Paul Bunyan : [catching her]  Got ya! Don't worry. I won't smush you. You're cute.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, thank you.

  [humming, he sticks her beehive hairdo into his ear like a Q-tip] 

  Marge Simpson : Hey, what are you doing?

  Paul Bunyan : I just wanna spruce up for our date.

• Frink : Hey, that meteor's headed straight for us with the fire and the impact and the 100% chance of pain! Pain in the glayvin!

  Reverend Lovejoy : God has sent this fiery kill rock to show us his love.

  Mayor Quimby : [clamoring from the townsfolk]  There's only one man who can save us.

  Paul Bunyan : [transition to his house]  Oh, I get it. When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me. But when I can save your life, suddenly I'm Mr. Popular.

  Lenny : Yeah. That's pretty much it.

  Paul Bunyan : Whoo-hoo! I'm Mr. Popular!

  [giggling, he dances a jig] 

• Hobo : [his musical intro to the story of Paul Bunyan]  Won't you listen to my tale that's ten stories tall/'Bout a king-sized woodsman named-a Bunyan, comma, Paul/Born mighty big, he continued to expand/Thanks to a hopped-up pituitary gland/His body grew big, but his brain stayed small/He was tree-choppin', friend-stompin', house-crushin' Paul.

• Hobo : [narrating his Connie Appleseed story]  With the buffalo gone, the starving settlers were driven to cannibalism.

  Chief Wiggum : [drawing wishbones]  You're the fattest, Bufflekill. Okay, everybody, dig in!

  [Homer shrieks as they all advance on him] 

  Connie Appleseed : Stop! I've got apples! Delicious, nutritious apples. And there's enough for everyone.

  Additional Voices : [Sideshow Mel, taking a bite]  Sweet!

  [taking another bite] 

  Additional Voices : It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!

  Principal Skinner : We're saved!

  Ned Flanders : It's a miracle!

  Carl : Hurray for Connie Bufflekill!

  Moe Szyslak : [sticking his head out from under Homer's coat]  What? So now we're not eating Homer?

• Moe Szyslak : All right, look, we gotta do something about Bunyan. We're going bankrupt just feedin' and clothing the guy, not to mention the crushings.

  Carl : [murmurs of agreement]  Hey, I say we get him drunk and drag him out of town. Same way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder.