The Simpsons (TV Series)
Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment (1991)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Goliath, Barney Gumble, Boxing announcer #2
Photos
Quotes
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Homer : Something's wrong with that kid. She's so... moral. Why can't she be more like... well, not like Bart, but there has to be a happy medium.
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Marge : So, what did you children learn about today?
Bart : Hell.
Homer : Bart!
Bart : What? That's what we learned about. I'm sure as *hell* can't tell you we learned about *hell* unless I say *hell*, can I?
Homer : The lad's got a point.
Bart : Hell, yes!
Marge : Bart!
Bart : Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell!
Marge : Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear.
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Homer : [Mt Sinai: 1220 BC] Er, good evening Ezron, carver of graven images.
Ezron : Ah, good evening, Homer the Thief. How is business?
Homer : Been a little slow these past few months. Not much to steal in the desert, you know?
Ezron : Ah, do not worry, my friend.
[Homer steals one of Ezron's idols while his back is turned]
Ezron : I figure we'll be wandering out here another two weeks... tops.
Homer : [laughs] Ah, good evening, Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her warmest regards.
Zohar : Ah, yes. She is a good woman. Very good.
[Homer steals a bag hanging from his belt]
Homer : Thankyou, my lusty friend.
[they laugh together but stop at the sound of thunder and lightning]
Ezron : [suddenly Moses appears on Mt Sinai, holding the Ten Commandments] Oh, Moses is back!
Homer : Quick, everybody look busy!
[Homer steals some more of Ezron's idols, Zohar chats up a passing woman, and Ezron goes back to carving a false idol]
Moses : [addressing the assembled throng] The Lord has handed down to us Ten Commandments by which to live. I will now read them in no particular order: Thou Shalt Not Make Any Graven Images.
Ezron : [throws down his tools] Oh my God!
Moses : Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.
Zohar : Ah well, looks like the party's over.
Homer : [laughs] Hey Moses, keep em' coming!
[laughs again]
Moses : Thou Shalt Not Steal.
Homer : D'oh!
[all of his stolen booty falls to the ground]
Zohar : [he and Ezron laugh] Sorry Homer.
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Homer : Family, gather round, I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable.
Bart : All right.
Homer : That's right, sixty-eight channels, MTV for the kids, VH1 for us, sixteen hours of quality programming a day.
Marge : I don't know, Homer, we've discussed cable before. Do you really think we can afford this?
Homer : Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can afford it.
Marge : Mmmm, are you sure this is legal?
Homer : Relax, Marge. Read this.
[Homer hands Marge a pamphlet entitled, "So You've Decided To Steal Cable"]
Marge : "Myth: it's wrong to view quality motion pictures for free. Fact: most movies that air on cable rate two stars or lower and are repeated ad nauseam." I don't know...
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Homer : The foot is coming down! Cable stays. The foot has spoken.
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Homer : Bart!