- Kate Tanner: Why didn't you tell us you were coming?
- Neal Tanner: Well, because the new Neal Tanner is spontaneous, impetuous.
- Neal Tanner: Well, I traded in the camper and I put a deposit on an apartment not half a mile from here. I applied for a job and then I called up Margaret and when she answered the phone I hung up on her.
- ALF: Alright. What do you call a mushroom that buys all the drinks?
- [pause]
- ALF: A fungi to be with. A fungi to be with.
- [laughing]
- ALF: Ah, I kill me.
- Kate Tanner: Would you like any help?
- ALF: I get it uncle Niel is sad because his wife left him. what I don't understand is why it took her so long.
- Neal Tanner: They say family's only get together at weddings and funerals now I guess we can add divorces to that.
- Willie Tanner: you made my own brother fell unwelcome in my home he was my brother long before you were my what is he any way?