Futurama (TV Series)

The Honking (2000)

David Herman: Robot Villager #2, Tandy, Project Satan

Quotes 

• Robot Villager #1 : Some say unholy things happen up there.

  Robot Villager #2 : For example, all of us say that.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Pfft! Superstitious robot mumbo-jumbo!

  Robot Villager #2 : Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo, perhaps not.

• Will Reader : To my loyal butler, You There, for his decades of service, I leave a pittance, to be paid in twenty equal installments of one-twentieth of a pittance each.

  [Butler cries] 

  Will Reader : To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy, who never understood the value of a dollar, I leave my entire $20 million fortune.

  Tandy : Is that a lot?

  Will Reader : And to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not the cause of my demise, I leave my castle.

  Bender : Yes! Let's stay there tonight!

  Will Reader : On condition that he spend one night within its walls.

  Bender : Oh, man, there's always a catch!

• Robot Villager #2 : I will go this far, and no further!

  [pull back to show the carriage has arrived at the castle gates] 

• Robot Villager #2 : With all your modern science, are you any closer to understanding the mysteries of how a robot walks and talks?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Yes, you idiot! The circuit diagram is right here on the inside of your case.

  [Opens the panel on robot's chest] 

  Robot Villager #2 : [closes panel]  I choose to believe what I was PROGRAMMED to believe!

• Leela : [tries to kill Project Satan with a silver potato to the exhaust pipe]  Oh, no! Theres's no exhaust pipe!

  Project Satan : That's right! Thanks to Ed Begley Jr.'s electric motor, the most evil propulsion system ever conceived!

• Mugger #1 : I don't know which I like more, smashing cars or smashing faces.

  Mugger #2 : Lucky you don't have to decide tonight. Come on, we've got church tomorrow.

• [Leela, Bender and Fry find Project Satan looking miserable next to a burning furnace in the abandoned Automobile Lab] 

  Leela : It looks so unhappy.

  [Leela approaches Project Satan] 

  Leela : Excuse me. Are you Project Satan?

  [growling miserably, Project Satan turns to face Leela] 

  Leela : Don't be afraid. We know what you are.

  Project Satan : [downcast]  You do?

  Leela : [Fry and Bender come over]  Would you like us to... put you out of your misery?

  Project Satan : [suddenly perks up with an evil tone]  Misery? What misery? I *love* killing people! Squishing them 'til their organs squirt out like chunky mustard!

  Bender : [reasoning]  Look, everyone loves killing people, but I don't wanna hurt my friends.

  [Fry puts his robotic arms around Fry and Leela, but Fry shakes him off and walks away as a bell chimes outside and Bender's arms turn into wheels] 

  Leela : Oh, no! It's midnight!

  Bender : [turning evil]  Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good!

  [Bender laughs and Project Satan laughs with him] 

• [Bender fully transforms into the Were-Car as Project Satan pulls up beside him] 

  Project Satan : [evilly]  Take whichever one you want!

  Bender : [excited]  Oh, boy! I feel like a car in a Candy Store!

  [Bender decides between Fry and Leela and chases after Fry] 

  Fry : [running]  Yes! He chose me! He's trying to kill *me*!