Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

The Unearthly (1991)

Trace Beaulieu: Crow T. Robot, Dr. Clayton Forrester, Jackie Mason jar

Quotes 

• Dr. Forrester : [after Joel gives a horrible invention exchange. TV's Frank is crying in the background]  I think you die, Joel! Heh-heh-heh... Well, your experiment this week is going to be hard to keep down. It's called The Unearthly and it stars John Carradine and Tor Johnson, plus two stinky shorts.

  [shouts] 

  Dr. Forrester : Frank, shut up!

  [Frank cries louder in defiance] 

  Dr. Forrester : Enjoy!

• Dr. Forrester : Ah, it does my heart good to see Crow burnt beyond all recognition! Oh, Frank, it's time for this week's invention exchange.

  [Frank enters crying, wearing two boards with an odd assortment of pills glued on] 

  Dr. Forrester : Oh, accept the pain, Frank!

  [to Joel] 

  Dr. Forrester : You've heard the expression, "That's a hard pill to swallow"? Well, our invention exchange this week is just that - some hard pills to swallow. Uh, turn Frank. And cough.

  [Frank does so] 

  Dr. Forrester : [points to pill]  See this pill right here? It shold be easy to swallow, shouldn't it Frank? Yes, it should be except for the three-pronged fish hook attached to it.

  [points to another one] 

  Dr. Forrester : This one - I'm not going to kid you - this is *very* difficult to swallow. It's a Not-So-Tiny Time pill, complete with a living gerbil.

  TV's Frank : [shouts]  Terry, no!

  Dr. Forrester : Oh, Terry, yes! If you can keep this one down, you'll have a pet that knows you inside and out. If you have trouble keeping one pill down, try our pill necklace of piptric acid - one-hundred and five capsules on a string. Keep that gag reflex active 'til the cows come home - the longer it takes to swallow, the harder it gets.

  [with evil glee] 

  Dr. Forrester : Yes, and the children?

  TV's Frank : [shouts]  Not the children! Aw-haw-haw!

  Dr. Forrester : The children love vitamin shapes, like, shaped like cartoons. Whimsical shapes! Whimsical shapes, and wouldn't it be hard for all those Flintstone kids if their favorite vitamin came... turn, Frank...

  [Frank turns, revealing a life-size Fred Flintstone vitamin] 

  Dr. Forrester : ...life-size, hmm, hmm? Ball's in your court, Joel!