- Kimmy Gibbler: We never clean at my house. We move in, trash the place for five years, then move out.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Michelle, do you really care if the inside of the chimney is clean?
- Michelle Tanner: Yes I do, and so does Santa Claus.
- Stephanie Tanner: She's totally brainwashed!
- Michelle Tanner: EVERYTHING should be washed!
- Kimmy Gibbler: What's wrong with you people? How can you get this house any cleaner? It's already the cleanest house in America.
- Jesse Katsopolis: For the first time, Gibbler actually is making some sense.
- Kimmy Gibbler: Had to happen some time.
- Rebecca Katsopolis: Danny, we've been working here. Check the statue.
- Danny Tanner: Okay, I'll do just that. Get my trusty rag out here. Okay.
- [touches the statue with his glove]
- Danny Tanner: A little wax in his ear, but, uh, not bad.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [after Danny returns home, covered in dirt and acting like a slob] Danny, were you kidnapped by the Grateful Dead?
- D.J. Tanner: [while cleaning under the table] Hey, Dad will be happy. There's only one wad of Joey's gum under here this year.
- Joey Gladstone: Well, there. I finished cleaning every toilet in the house. They're spotless. So if you have to go to the bathroom, PLEASE go to the Texaco station.
- D.J. Tanner: Dad, do we have to do this today? The dirt'll be here next weekend.
- Stephanie Tanner: Yeah, it's the first sunny day in weeks.
- Danny Tanner: Don't worry, you guys are gonna get to go outside. One of your jobs is to polish and clean the mailbox.
- Stephanie Tanner: [disinterested] Hot dog.
- Danny Tanner: Well, this could be the most exciting spring cleaning since '88.
- Joey Gladstone: Oh, yeah, that was the year I got to simonize the rain gutters.
- Danny Tanner: Hey, Jess, maybe you can take a crack at the rain gutters this year.
- Jesse Katsopolis: [sarcastically] My ship has finally come in.
- Joey Gladstone: Grab your Brillo and your broom.
- Everyone: Grab your Brillo and your broom.
- Joey Gladstone: Danny is a Looney Tune!
- Everyone: Danny is a Looney Tune!
- Joey Gladstone: Sound off!
- Danny Tanner: Guys, come on. Once a year, I ask you all to roll up your sleeves and really do a job on this house. Now, if you're gonna do a job, you gotta give it 100%, otherwise, let's not do a job at all.
- Joey Gladstone: Okay, let's not do the job at all.
- D.J. Tanner: Is it just me, or is Dad worse than ever this year?
- Joey Gladstone: Hey, there's nothing wrong with your dad wanting to be a little clean.
- [D.J. and Stephanie stares]
- Joey Gladstone: All right, wanting to be very clean.
- [Jesse stares]
- Joey Gladstone: All right, he's a psycho with a dust mop!
- Stephanie Tanner: [about Danny] What about all his rules? Does it really matter if you chew each bite of food 24 times? Yesterday, I only did it 22, and let me tell you, it felt good.
- Rebecca Katsopolis: Well, your dad does like to pay attention to detail. Every detail. On every subject. In the universe.
- Jesse Katsopolis: Mm. What drives you crazier? His... His stories or his rambles?
- Joey Gladstone: What's the difference?
- Danny Tanner: [to a donkey named Norman] Oh, man, what an eye opener. You should've been in that closet with me. The people I love most in the world think I'm nothing but a compulsive, neurotic, rambling jackass. No offense.
- Joey Gladstone: Danny where did you get the phrase psycho with a dust mop? You heard me say it didn't you?