The Simpsons (TV Series)
A Milhouse Divided (1996)
Hank Azaria: Kirk Van Houten, Chase, Casino Minister, 'Larry Davis Experience' Guy #3
Quotes
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Kirk Van Houten : I sleep in a racing car. Do you?
Homer : I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Kirk Van Houten : Oh. Yeah.
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Kirk Van Houten : Take my hand with your glove of love!
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Homer : [Looks at Kirk's demo tape] "Can I borrow a feeling"? Ha! It's got your face on it!
Kirk Van Houten : Go ahead and laugh at me, Homer.
Homer : I already did.
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Kirk Van Houten : So what do you say Louanne? Will you marry me? Again?
Luann Van Houten : ...Oh no.
Kirk Van Houten : Ah. Well can I at least have my shirts back?
Pyro : Okay, you heard the lady, outside!
Kirk Van Houten : I'll be back! Probably.
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Kirk Van Houten : [sighs] You know why all this happened, don't you? Because I took my marriage for granted. You know in twelve years, I never once helped out with the housework.
Homer : Oh yeah, you got to do that.
Kirk Van Houten : I could have at least stayed in shape for her.
Homer : Oh and for yourself.
Kirk Van Houten : I could have taken just a little time to... to make her feel special.
Homer : It can't just be sex! It can't!
Kirk Van Houten : God, I'm so self-centred! No wonder I didn't see it coming! That's how it is though - one day your wife is making you your favourite meal, the next day you're thawin' a hot dog in a gas station sink.
Homer : Oh, that's tough, pal. But it's never gonna' happen to me.
Kirk Van Houten : Well, how do you know? What makes you guys so special?
Homer : Cause' Marge and I have one thing that can never be broken - a strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine.
Homer : [cut to Homer returning to an empty house] Marge, I'm home. Where are you? Are you OK? I don't smell dinner.
[takes a note off the refrigerator door]
Homer : "Dear Homer"... aw. "Sorry you didn't want to join me tonight. I've left you hot dogs for dinner. They're thawing in the sink".
[Homer sees them and screams]
