The Simpsons (TV Series)
Two Bad Neighbors (1996)
Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson
Quotes
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Homer : He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart : I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Grampa : Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions!
Marge : Grampa, I know in your day spanking was common... but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
Grampa : And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!
[Pointing the finger at Lisa while reading the book]
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Bart : Wow! A former president living right across the street.
Homer : Oh! Why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot. Stupid president. Why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
Lisa Simpson : Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
Homer : Wait a minute. If Lisa didn't vote for him, and I didn't vote for him...
Marge : You didn't vote for anybody.
Homer : I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. After that, I became deeply cynical.
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Marge : [going through junk to get rid of] Well, we don't need this.
Homer : But, Marge, that's the Rhinestone Nights fashion gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing.
Marge : [he holds up a denim jacket] Who's Disco Stu?
Homer : Oh, uh, I wanted to write "Disco stud", but I ran out of space. Not that Disco Stu didn't get his share of the action.
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Homer : Marge, I'm bored.
Marge : Why don't you read something?
Homer : Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
Marge : Well, you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale. You'd get some fresh air and exercise.
Homer : Eh, I'll do it anyway.
[grabbing a passing Bart]
Homer : Come on, boy. We're going to see the neighbors.
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Marge : Are you interested in that motorized tie rack, Principal Skinner?
Principal Skinner : [she turns it on] Hmm... it's awfully loud.
Marge : Well, you can always take the motor out and use it as an ordinary tie rack.
Principal Skinner : [scoffing as she does so] But now the ties are motionless, and those in back are virtually inaccessible. Well, it's a moot point, as I have only one tie to begin with. I believe I'll pass.
[leaving, then coming back]
Principal Skinner : Have you sold that tie rack yet?
Marge : No.
Principal Skinner : I'll take it.
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Homer : [looking Bush up in the encyclopedia] All right. His story checks out. Marge, would you love me more if I were President? 'Cause I'll do it if it'll make you happy.
Marge : Homie, as long as you keep the car full of gas, I'm happy.
Homer : Well, she can always depend on that.
[he glances at the car out in the driveway, nervously shifting his eyes back and forth]
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Barbara Bush : I really feel awful about your lawn, Marge. George can be so stubborn when he thinks he's right.
Marge : Well, Homer, too. They're so much alike.
Barbara Bush : Too bad they got off on the wrong foot. It's just like the Noriega thing. Now, he and George are the best of friends.