The Simpsons (TV Series)

Two Bad Neighbors (1996)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson, Todd Flanders

Quotes 

• Bart : Did your Secret Service goons ever whack anybody, George?

  George Bush : You know in my day, little boys didn't call their elders by their first names.

  Bart : [sarcastically]  Yeah? Well, welcome to the 20th century, George.

• Homer : He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?

  Bart : I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.

  Grampa : Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions!

  Marge : Grampa, I know in your day spanking was common... but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.

  Grampa : And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!

  [Pointing the finger at Lisa while reading the book] 

• George Bush : What the- Great Scott! Don't touch that. That's the alpenhorn Helmut Kohl gave me.

  Bart : Where'd you get those pajamas?

  George Bush : They're presidential pajamas. You have to be president, and you're not president.

  Bart : Yes, I am.

  George Bush : D- No, you're not. Bar!

• [Bart is rummaging through the Bush's ktchen drawers] 

  Bart : Hey, where's your candy?

  George Bush : We don't have any. Now go away!

  Barbara Bush : George! Older people don't eat much candy, Bart, but I could bake you some cookies if you like.

  George Bush : [under his breath]  Can't remember the last time she made cookies for me.

  Barbara Bush : What's that?

  George Bush : Oh, nothing.

• [Bart has accidentally shredded George's memoirs and George turns toward him angrily] 

  Bart : Whoa, man!

  George Bush : Whoa, nothing. I'm going to do something your daddy should have done a long time ago.

  [George turns Bart over his knee and spanks him] 

  George Bush : Now go home and think about what you've done, young man!

• Homer : [outside a fancy, gated house]  Hey, I never noticed this place.

  Bart : Dad, it's right across the street from us. That fancy house will never sell. Nobody who could afford it would wanna live in this neighborhood.

  Homer : [insulted]  Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood?

  [shouting at the empty house through the gate] 

  Homer : Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?

  Bart : Who are you talking to, Homer?

  Homer : The guy who doesn't live there.

• Marge : [in his car, Bush does donuts in the front yard]  President Bush is driving on our lawn! He must be lost.

  Homer : [darkly]  He's not lost.

  Bart : Looks like we're experiencing some blowback from the wig offensive.

  Homer : It's time to hit him where he lives.

  Bart : His house?

  Homer : Bingo.

• Homer : Good old Evergreen Terrace, the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.

  Bart : Well, if you love it so much, why are you always littering?

  Homer : [throwing his beer can on the ground]  It's easier. Duh.

• Bart : Wow! A former president living right across the street.

  Homer : Oh! Why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot. Stupid president. Why couldn't he just stay in his own state?

  Lisa Simpson : Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.

  Homer : Wait a minute. If Lisa didn't vote for him, and I didn't vote for him...

  Marge : You didn't vote for anybody.

  Homer : I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. After that, I became deeply cynical.

• Maude Flanders : What brings you to Springfield?

  Barbara Bush : Well, George and I just wanted to be private citizens again, go where nobody cared about politics. So we found the town with the lowest voter turnout in America.

  George Bush : Just happy to be here among good, average people with no particular hopes or dreams.

  Rod Flanders : But, Mr. President, we're not all good people.

  Todd Flanders : There's one little boy you should watch out for. He's a bad, bad little boy.

  Ned Flanders : [laughing nervously]  Now, Todd, don't scare the president.

  [as if on cue, they see Bart skateboard past] 

• [George is showing Bart his photo albums] 

  Bart : Who's that, George?

  George Bush : That's me with Charlton Heston. He was...

  Bart : [interrupts]  ... Who's that, George?

  George Bush : You wouldn't know him. That's Bob Mosbacher. He was secretary of...

  Bart : [interrupts]  ... That's a dumb name. Who's that, George?

  George Bush : [annoyed]  Maybe he thinks Bart is a dumb...

  Bart : [interrupts]  ... How many times were you president, George?

  George Bush : Just once.

• Homer : This is gonna be sweet. 200 bottle rockets, and George Bush doing toe-touches by an open window.

  Bart : If you get one up his butt, it's a million points.

• Bart : Hey, what's this?

  George Bush : My electric card shuffler. Don't go near the...

  [Bart sends cards flying everywhere] 

  George Bush : Now, I told you. Oh... those cards were from Air Force One, and they only give you so many packs.

  Barbara Bush : Oh, George, boys will be boys. Bart's just being friendly. Why don't you get off that sofa and show Bart your photos?

  George Bush : Oh, but he'll gunk 'em all up. His hands are probably covered with mud and cookies.

  [Bart shows him his clean hands] 

  George Bush : Well... probably stole a napkin.

• [repeated line] 

  Bart : Hellooooooooo, Mr Bush!