WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)

Pilot: Part 1 (1978)

Howard Hesseman: Dr. Johnny Fever

Quotes 

• Johnny Caravella : [about changing the format of the station]  Ah, listen, you, you do mean *now*?

  Andy Travis : [as he leaves the control booth]  Yes. And... you can say "booger" if you want to.

  Johnny Caravella : [gleefully flinging an old record off a turntable]  Well, it's good-bye to the elevator music!

  [Johnny laughs sinisterly as he carefully places a different record on the turntable] 

  Johnny Caravella : [with a sinister grin slowly emerging on his face]  Do it!

  Johnny Caravella : [making the needles scratching the record sound effect, as he begins to speak on the air excitedly]  All right, Cincinnati, it is time for this town to get *down*! Now, you got Johnny...

  Dr. Johnny Fever : ...Dr. Johnny Fever, and I am burnin' up in here! Whoo! Whoo! We all in critical condition, babies, but you can tell me where it hurts, because I got the healing prescription here from the big 'KRP musical medicine cabinet. Now I am talking about your fifty thousand watt intensive care unit, babies! So just sit right down, relax, open your ears real wide and say, "Give it to me straight, Doctor, I can take it!"

  [Johnny starts Ted Nugent's "Queen of the Forest" on the record, flails his arms in the air in excitement, then sits in his chair grabbing the mic] 

  Dr. Johnny Fever : [putting on his sunglasses]  I almost forgot, fellow babies: "booger!"

• Johnny Caravella : [about the station format]  What do you got in mind?

  Andy Travis : [as he rolls out a poster of the band, Kiss]  Oh, I dunno. I haven't... quite decided yet.

  Johnny Caravella : [sits up and takes notice]  Listen, uh, do you know about Carlson's mother?

  Andy Travis : Uh-huh.

  Johnny Caravella : "Uh-huh"? You're gonna love it in Amarillo.

• Johnny Caravella : [Repeated line to Andy]  You mind if I...

  [do something he just did already] 

• Johnny Caravella : [to Andy]  I'm Johnny Caravella. I'm also known as Johnny Midnight, Johnny Cool, Johnny Duke, Johnny Style and Johnny Sunshine. You can call me "Johnny", okay?

• Andy Travis : Sunshine. Haven't I heard of you?

  Johnny Caravella : You're not a cop, are ya?

  Andy Travis : [shakes his head]  Johnny Sunshine... Johnny Sunshine! I remember, yeah! It was Los Angeles in the late 60s, Johnny Sunshine Boss Jack! You were uh, you were very hot, man.

  Johnny Caravella : Yeah.

  Andy Travis : Something happened there though. Station fired you for some reason.

  Johnny Caravella : Well, I'll tell you something, baby. They all fire ya sooner or later.

  Andy Travis : Yeah, I know, but this was something that you uh, something you did.

  Johnny Caravella : Yeah, well, we all do things, right?

  Andy Travis : Uh-huh. It was something that you said.

  Johnny Caravella : Yeah. "Booger."

  Andy Travis : What?

  Johnny Caravella : I used the word "booger" on the air.

  Andy Travis : That's right!

  Johnny Caravella : Yeah. I was making about a hundred grand a year out there. Then one day I said "booger," a bunch of bozos call the station, next thing I know I'm in Amarillo hosting a garden show.

• Andy Travis : Where'd you go from there?

  Johnny Caravella : Denver. Boise. Fargo. It's all a blur to me. I tell you this, though, I never thought I'd end up at WKRP in Pittsb... Cincinnati?

  Andy Travis : Yeah, Cincinnati.

  Johnny Caravella : *This* is rock bottom!

• Johnny Caravella : You're listening to the Johnny...

  Johnny Caravella : [quickly grabbing his coffee mug to read his name printed on it]  ... Caravella show on WKRP in Cincinnati. And now it's time to listen to one of my personal favorites, it's the...

  Johnny Caravella : [needs to check record jacket]  ... Hallelujah Tabernacle Choir with their beautiful rendition of "You're Having My Baby".

  Choir (on record) : [sung]  You're having my baby.

  Bass solo (on record) : [sung]  Right now.

  Choir (on record) : [sung]  What a lovely, lovely way to say you love us...

• Johnny Caravella : [after the Shady Hills rest home ad finishes]  And on that happy note, let's take a look at the weather. We have reports that it's coming down in buckets out there...

  [Bailey, who is sitting in the studio with him, waves her hand's like no it isn't] 

  Johnny Caravella : ... in other parts of the state. However, experts are predicting that sunny skies will return by noon...

  [Bailey again waves no] 

  Johnny Caravella : ... but not here. So, if you're on your way to work, you might want to take an umbrella. Or you might not.

• Johnny Caravella : [bleary-eyed, on the air, with no real interest:]  Okay, that was...

  [squints] 

  Johnny Caravella : Felix Mandell's orchestra with their beautiful version of the all-time favorite "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?"

  [grimaces] 

  Johnny Caravella : I'm sure all you doughboys out there remember that one.

  [consults program schedule] 

  Johnny Caravella : And for some reason we'll be right back with more of your favorite recorded melodies...

  [prepares to play jingle] 

  Johnny Caravella : after this very important word from...

  [slams in cassette] 

  Johnny Caravella : Shady Hills... Cincinnati's finest restaurant.

  Shady Hills Commercial Voiceover : [graveyard voice]  Many people ask this age-old question: What happens when I can no longer feed myself?

  [Johnny apparently fell asleep] 

  Bailey Quarters : [enters broadcast booth]  Hi, Johnny.

  Johnny Caravella : [helpless old man's voice]  Bailey, have you come to feed me?

  Bailey Quarters : No, but here are today's new commercials.

  [hands over cassettes] 

  Johnny Caravella : Uh-huh.

  [takes them] 

  Bailey Quarters : Do you mind if I watch you work?

  Johnny Caravella : Not at all. Listen, uh, what's the weather like out there?

  Bailey Quarters : Ah, it's raining.

  Johnny Caravella : Excuse me a minute.

  [grabs mic] 

  Shady Hills Commercial Voiceover : [but before Johnny can say anything:]  So call Shady Hills today. Remember *there just might not be... * a tomorrow.

  Johnny Caravella : [nods]  And on that happy note, let's take a look at the weather. We have reports that it's coming down in *buckets* out there...

  [Bailey tries to silence him] 

  Johnny Caravella : in other parts of the city. However, experts are predicting that sunny skies will return by noon...

  Bailey Quarters : [whispers]  No...!

  Johnny Caravella : ... But not here. So, people on your way to work, you might want to take an umbrella. Or you might not.

  [grins at Bailey] 

  Johnny Caravella : You're listening to the Johnny...

  [grabs mug to check] 

  Johnny Caravella : Caravella Show on WKRP in Cincinnati. And now it's time to listen to one of my personal favorites, it's the...

  [hurriedly checks album cover] 

  Johnny Caravella : Hallelujah Tabernacle Choir with their beautiful rendition of "You're Having My Baby"...