South Park (TV Series)
ManBearPig (2006)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Mackey, Al Gore, Randy Marsh, Tour Guide, Rescuer #1, News Reporter
Photos
Quotes
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Eric Cartman : [to himself while the others are sleeping] All that treasure. It's all mine! So long as these greedy assholes don't find out about it. You would all just love to get your hands on my treasure wouldn't you? Even though I found it, you would love to think it's somehow yours too. God, I hate you guys.
[to Kyle]
Eric Cartman : Especially you, you money-grubbing snake in the grass.
[leans in so his face is about half an inch away from Kyle's]
Eric Cartman : Well I've got news for you Kyle. You're never going to get my treasure. I've got a little plan going: to get the treasure out of here without you ever knowing.
Kyle Broflovski : [wakes up] C-Cartman?
Eric Cartman : [pause] Oh, hey Kyle. How's it going?
Kyle Broflovski : Dude, what are you doing?
Eric Cartman : Not much. You know, just hanging out.
[pause]
Eric Cartman : How you been, man? Good?
Kyle Broflovski : Dude, get away from me!
Eric Cartman : Yeah, nice talking with you, Kyle. See you around.
[slowly withdraws]
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Al Gore : I'm SUPER cereal!
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[repeated line]
Al Gore : Excelsior!
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Al Gore : Manbearpig is in there and we all have to kill him while we all have the chance, I'm cereal!
Policeman #1 : Mr. Gore, please, we need you to calm down. Now, what exactly do you suggest we do?
Al Gore : I told you, we need to fill the cave with hot, molten lead, 'cause it's the only way to make sure Manbearpig never comes out. And I'm saying it and I'm totally cereal but everyone just keeps digging!
Policeman #1 : Well, see, the problem is, if we fill the cave with hot, molten lead, it will kill those boys too.
Al Gore : They're already dead, didn't you listen to me? They got attacked by Manbearpig and Manbearpig leaves no one alive, I'm super cereal! And nobody'll listen to me. I'm cereal!
[starts blubbering]
Firefighter : Do you want me to get the ex-vice president out of here?
Policeman #2 : No, I feel kinda bad for him. I don't think he has any friends.
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Firefighter : Is that a Pig... bear... man?
Al Gore : No stupid... It's Manbearpig.
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Eric Cartman : We have to get going.
Kyle Broflovski : Yeah, we've got school
Al Gore : I can get you all excused from school.
[pause]
Eric Cartman : You... got that kind of power?
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Stan Marsh : [to Al Gore] Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see WHY you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a LOSER!
Al Gore : [undaunted] Yeah right. The man who singlehandedly killed ManBearPig is a loser.
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Kyle Broflovski : Cartman, you've got to swim! Kick with your legs!
Eric Cartman : I can't kick.
Kyle Broflovski : Yes, you can.
Eric Cartman : I can't kick, you just have to save me.
Kyle Broflovski : I need your help!
Eric Cartman : No, you just have to save me.
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Kyle Broflovski : [Cartman defecates some of the treasure he swallowed in front of everyone] Dude, did Cartman just crap treasure?
Eric Cartman : It's mine! It's mine, you hear me? I got it out of the cave! It belongs to me! Keep your greedy hands away!
Tour Guide : Hey, that looks like the fake treasure from our Smuggler's Den photo room.
Eric Cartman : That's right, and I...
[realizes what the tour guide just said]
Eric Cartman : Fake treasure?
Tour Guide : Yeah, we put it there for kids to take your picture with. All in all, I'd say that treasure is worth about $14.
Eric Cartman : No... NOOO!
[defecates more fake treasure]
Eric Cartman : OHH! OWWW!
[Stan, Kyle and Kenny angrily walk up to Cartman]
Kyle Broflovski : You made us pull you to safety because you ate treasure? You son of a bitch!
Eric Cartman : Don't you think I'm hurting enough, Kyle? OW, OWW!
[defecates even more fake treasure]
Eric Cartman : OWWWW!
