Tell Me You Love Me (HBO) (2007)
Creator: Cynthia Mort
Watched: August 2018
Rating: 8/10
4 couples.
3 couples in counseling. Katie and David, married with two children, a boy and girl (Joshua and Isabella) they have raised for the past almost eleven years; they love each other but have not had sex for a year. Carolyn and Palek, married and trying to have their first child; sex is becoming a chore, with Carolyn becoming increasingly demanding and focused more on the unborn being than her husband, who has his own father issues to contend with. Jaime (Mitchell)and Hugo (Zander? Sanderson?), engaged to be married in three months at first, but by episode
have called off the wedding; Jaime overheard Hugo making a comment implying he would not be able to be monogamous and when confronted, he is honest enough to refuse to promise otherwise. By the time he does, Jaime no longer trusts him, putting extra meaning into everything he does, and Hugo can understandably no longer bear being accused and scrutinized all day. She soon finds a new lover but finds herself questioning the efficacy of her use of sex to define her life and sex-solves-everything philosophy. And old loves, especially someone like Hugo, are difficult to truly relinquish.
1 couples counselor and her husband of 43 years. Doctor May Foster and Arthur; May was unfaithful once before, said it was "over" once before with an old love, John, but lied. He is now back in town and has contacted her, causing Arthur to question May's assurances that this time she means it.
Be prepared to watch uncomfortably unembellished or edited sex scenes, 1 to 2 minutes in length (plus a record 3 minutes 55 seconds in episode 7 for Jaime & Hugo)- including masturbation, phone, foreplay, oral, traditional intercourse, and more unconventional forms. Includes nudity, of course, and moans and groans. Like literally spying on strangers having sex. An abundance of silence and nothing but bodies rubbing. There are at least 3 to 4 of these scenes per 50-minute episode. That is a lot of sex, yes. But they are never made to look cheap or meretricious. In a way, it is worse than porn which often has background music to distract, or it is so showy you can mentally categorize it as harmless fun. Here, you will be forced to reckon with sex. You will have to think about it. You will have no choice but to recognize the importance of sex if only for a few minutes.
The good:
*I like how the couples are loosely connected, but for the most part they remain in their distinct scenes. Aside from them all seeing May, that is. Mason, Carolyn's sister, is Jaime's best friend. Palek is an architect and David sells steel; they have met professionally. The characters cross paths in maybe 4 scenes all season and series.
*No score or soundtrack made for no distractions; this is what allowed for the much appreciated candor and crudity that the show masterfully maximized. Each episode did contain a song or two in the opening or closing scenes, and these were well chosen. Artists included Janis Joplin and Snow Patrol.
The bad:
*Extreme close-ups. Sometimes these are obviously beneficial, but there are too many and too often, causing a claustrophobic feeling.
*There is a slight bias towards the females in the relationships, but there is a logical reason for this. Statistically, females are more likely to admit to, seek, and engage in mental health treatment and men are statistically less prone to discuss their feelings and problems. Yes, a female was chosen to be the therapist, so we see more of her side of that couple. I do wish there was a little more balance and insight to the male point of views.
* Unlike in In Treatment (the other HBO therapy show I cannot help but make some comparisons to), relatively little time is spent on the proverbial couch. While In Treatment could have done with some more time outside the doctor's office, both could do with some more balance between home life and therapy sessions.
*The writing starts strong but gradually begins to dwindle. Seems like series creator and main writer Cynthia Mort was struggling in the last few episodes. She even admitted that though the series was renewed by HBO for a second season, she felt that she did not have enough material and opted out. Disappointing. It might not be easy, but definitely doable.
The amazing:
*The best aspect of this series is how it cultivates open dialogue on sex. At the very least, personal reflection. For the most part, our society tends to shy away from such discussion. This is arguably unhealthy, given that it does not prevent it from happening and communicating about it can in most cases only make it better. We see the mundane, often irksome intimate details of these lives. By forcing us to watch the raw communication or (more often) lack of it, both parties' reactions, and the consequences (both short and long term), viewers are really able to identify and learn. To cast doubt on their own possible areas of improvement; to reflect on relationships past, present, and future; and to debate hypothetical relationship and sexuality issues.
Detailed thoughts on couples.
Katie & David. Both seem to have lost themselves in the children. So focused on raising them, they lost side not only of their love for each other, but who they are as individuals. The 'pause' button was pushed when the first child was born. When they began couples therapy, they pressed 'play'. Both say things they regret, but mostly it is the truth. And sometimes it is true that you cannot force the toothpaste back into the tube. A few scenes of interest between Isabella and her mother; the contrast of her getting her period for the first time (at 10!) and discovering her sexuality. Takeaways: Marriage is a long adventure. An occasional tune-up is necessary. Sex is an important part; it is not everything, but it also is not nothing. Both parties here admit to regretting therapy at various times. Is illuminating flaws in a relationship, being blunt and honest always a positive thing? Are some things really better left unsaid? Unaddressed because for some reason or another discussing it would only make it worse? Can brushing things under the proverbial rug really be the better option?
Carolyn & Palek. She is a $%@#!. That is all there is to it. No idea why Palek is with her; he seems like a good enough guy. One appalling example: When he has an anxiety attack (due to a variety of factors, among them Carolyn insisting on giving birth to a child he does not want to have + he was told that he was about to lose $50,000 in a house sale), rather than asking him why or what went wrong, she starts talking about how she quit her law firm earlier that day; in therapy, she complains about how, on the one day she needs him, he could not be there for him. How dare he go and have an anxiety attack? Takeaways: Children, even unborn ones, can cause significant strife. Losing sight of the relationship, trading it for this child. Sex loses its draw when it becomes obligatory. Excellent example of when love simply may not be enough. They may love each other, but if one wants a child and one doesn't? And then she gets pregnant? Predictably, she has a miscarriage, but realistically the relationship is doomed at this point. An example of when nothing can reverse what has been said and done.
Jaime & Hugo. Most of the focus is on her. In fact, many of the episodes did not even have Hugo. I can empathize with her on wanting a monogamous husband. Props to Hugo for being honest, though. Most men would have white lied, blindly promising to be faithful and then cheating, but he refused to promise her until he was sure. Then it was too late. Oh, the classic love chase; timing is never right. Her admission, first to May Foster, then to Hugo that she was the one who cheated first and then blamed him; found a way to push him away and screw up the relationship was very insightful. She obviously has her own issues, as she is apt to confess. Like me, she has an incredible amount of insight in self-diagnosis, though changing things for what we know is the better is another matter altogether. Her rebound relationship was almost painful to watch, how unfair it was for all parties involved, including herself because she was in denial, fooling herself that she was in love with Nick. Their rushed wedding ending seemed contrived, but then again maybe it was a long time coming. Their story is the most bereft of closure. Takeaways: A good example of what happens when we are honest in a relationship; are white lies sometimes admissible? Once a cheater always a cheater?
May & Arthur. Here is a key criticism for me. We do not get to know May very well, and Arthur not at all. We see she probably likes what she does, she publishes the book "Bed Dread" (The most prevalent but least talked about problem in the country), and sees the other three couples in session. As for private life, the only back story we get us that she has a lover that she cheated on Arthur for once, and now the temptation is there again. She meets him, only to realize the idea of him is what kept her marriage with Arthur intact. She walks away from him, although one might suspect she feels remorse; that she walked away from the love of her life, exchanging passion for what is easy, right and simple. Of course, then he dies and Arthur is there. Intriguing to watch their more intimate scenes because sex between the elderly is so rarely portrayed in the media. Takeaways: Contemplative dialogue on regrets in life. What is right versus following your heart. Passion versus Convenience. Heart versus Logic. Again, once a cheater always a cheater?
"The perhaps one thing a therapist can do perhaps in times of darkness, is turn a light on. The trick now is not to be so stunned by the glare that you want to turn it back off again."
#TVSeriesReview #HBO #Sex #Therapy
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