- Jon Arbuckle: Oh, Garfield, try *not* to annoy the mailman today.
- Garfield: [looking at calendar] Today's the day I annoy the *garbage* man. The mailman is tomorrow.
- Garfield: See what you've done? You've made me into a liar! And you know what happens to liars!
- Devil Garfield: They get jobs doing the weather on TV.
- Jon Arbuckle: [singing] Here's my dumbbell.
- Garfield: [singing; pointing to Jon] Here's *my* dumbbell.
- Jon Arbuckle: Here's my little rope.
- Garfield: Here's my little dope.
- Jon Arbuckle: What's wrong with a little exercise?
- Garfield: What's wrong with a little extra size?
- Jon Arbuckle: Maybe there's still hope.
- Garfield: Nope.
- Jon Arbuckle: Let's turn the place into a gym.
- Garfield: I think there's something seriously wrong with him.
- Jon Arbuckle: Workout! Workout! That's what it's gonna take.
- Garfield: Cookout! Cookout! How about a great big steak?
- Jon Arbuckle: The road to health is paved with good intentions.
- Garfield: The road to the kitchen can lead to new dimensions.
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, we're gonna get in shape!
- Garfield: Fat chance! Oh, yeah!
- Garfield: [rummaging through the mail] Bill... Bill... Bill... "You may have already won 17 million dollars"... Hmm, Mrs. Castanetti's new dentures are in... Nothing much... Hey, here's that package Jon was waiting for! I wonder what's in it?
- Garfield: [to Jon] You know, you better stop trying to improve your health before you remove your health.
- Jon Arbuckle: Okay, let's see how much I lost.
- [Jon steps on the scale]
- The Scale: You are the correct weight for your height. Your fortune is you will punish your cat for tampering with the scale earlier.
- [Jon glares at Garfield]
- Garfield: Ratfink scale!
- [furious, Jon chases Garfield as the scale narrates]
- The Scale: You will chase your cat around the living room. He will slip on the throw rug. He will swing on the chandelier, crash into the wall.
- Garfield: Boy, are those things ever accurate.
- The Scale: [continues] You will chase him out the front door. You will chase him down the block. And they lived heavily ever after. Ahem. The End. End. End. End.
- [Garfield is getting exhausted from jogging]
- Jon Arbuckle: All right, all right. We'll rest.
- [Garfield collapses]
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, we're still in front of our house.
- Garfield: Yeah, but it's a looong driveway.
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, I'm going to go workout.
- Garfield: Good.
- Jon Arbuckle: And you're going to workout with me.
- Garfield: Bad.
- Jon Arbuckle: I think we should head west.
- Garfield: No, I think we should go east.
- Jon Arbuckle: Oh, no. You just want to go that way because it's shorter.
- [Jon runs off and falls down a manhole]
- Garfield: No, I wanted to go that way because there's no open manhole.