- Charlie Kelly: I've got a confession: I'm in love with a man. "What?" I'm in love with a man. A man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I "gay for God"? You betcha.
- Charlie Kelly: I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is. So, am I the messiah? I don't know, I could be, I'm not ruling it out.
- Frank Reynolds: What, you put the moves on him?
- Dee Reynolds: First of all, gross, I don't think you're supposed to whore out your kids. Second of all, that guy is a really good person and I've treated him like shit for his whole life. For once I'm going to do the right thing.
- Frank Reynolds: He thinks you're too old, huh?
- Dee Reynolds: God Damn it. Why do I speak to you? Ever?
- Charlie Kelly: I got the Lord, I got the Lord, I got the good Lord he's goin' down on me, down on me.
- Frank Reynolds: [after a water stain that resembles the Virgin Mary is found in the back room, and the gang is arguing about if it's a miracle] Alright! Listen! It could be a miracle... or it could be bullshit! But we know one thing's for sure...
- Charlie Kelly: What's that?
- Frank Reynolds: It's a goddamn gold-mine!
- Charlie Kelly: I'm in love with a man. What? That's right. I'm in love with a man named "God". Does that make me gay? Gay for God? You betcha!"
- Charlie Kelly: Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.