- [first lines]
- Compo: I wonder if I ought to give up betting on the horses.
- Blamire: I don't believe it!
- Clegg: I should give up losing. Just bet on winners.
- Compo: Maybe I could start betting on the dogs.
- Blamire: Oh. Now I believe it. You see, I didn't quite understand at first; I thought he was flirting dangerously with common sense, but he isn't. Are you?
- Compo: No-o.
- Blamire: You had me worried for the minute. The world is changing that fast you don't know what to rely on. But if he abandoned stupidity, that's my last certainty gone.
- Compo: Well, My Last Certainty's gone and all. Come in fifth.
- Clegg: Well, you won't be able to put so much on dogs. They're smaller. So that'll save you some money.
- Compo: I think I fancy an ice lolly.
- [last lines]
- Compo: I hate him.
- Clegg: No, you don't.
- Compo: Are you sure?
- Clegg: Well, pretty sure.
- Compo: That's funny; I thought I hated him.
- Clegg: Puts your head in glass buckets, doesn't he?
- Compo: Gives me fags.
- Clegg: And it was only a short while ago he was giving you a V sign.
- Compo: [sighs] True.
- Clegg: Well, there you are, you see. Nobody's all bad.
- Blamire: [from the door] Come on!