South Park (TV Series)

Mystery of the Urinal Deuce (2006)

Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Butters, Policeman, Joe Hardly, Leroy, Mr. Adler, Jimbo Kern, 9-11 Conspiracist, Dick Cheney

Quotes 

• Kyle : So then, who was responsible for 9-11?

  Stan : What do you mean? A bunch of pissed off Muslims.

  Frank Hardly : Yeah, what are you, retarded?

• George W. Bush : We all worked very hard to keep our involvement 9-11 a secret... but you just had to keep digging.

  Kyle : Really?

  "911truth.org" Guy : You wont get away with it. People know.

  George W. Bush : People? You mean "sheeple." We have the majority of them kept in playful ignorance.

  [Draws a gun] 

  George W. Bush : Just one more leak, to fix.

  "911truth.org" Guy : Wait, what are you doing?

  George W. Bush : You've been a thorn in our side for too long, cretin.

  "911truth.org" Guy : No, you can't do this. Please! I'll stop! I'll take down the web site!

  [gun shoved in his mouth] 

  "911truth.org" Guy : Oh God! Oh no, oh no!

  George W. Bush : Too late.

  [Bush kills the 911truth.org guy] 

  Stan : Jesus Christ!

  Donald Rumsfeld : Ha ha ha. He died like a pig.

  George W. Bush : Some pigs never learned.

  Kyle : No, way.

  Stan : He was right, you did cause 9-11.

  George W. Bush : Yes. Quite simple to pull off, really. All I had to do was have explosives planted at the base of the towers, then on 9-11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Center filled with more explosives and shot down all the witnesses in Flight 93 with an F-15 after blowing up the pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed planm ever, ever.

  Kyle : [disbelieving]  Really?

  Stan : Why?

  George W. Bush : The oldest reason in the world: money. The towers fell and the American sheeple all waved their flags. Finally we could invade Iraq and get the oil which made us all even richer than before.

  Donald Rumsfeld : Beautiful money. Ha ha ha!

  Kyle : [even more disbelieving]  Really?

  Stan : Is the whole government in on this?

  George W. Bush : We are all knowing and all powerful. Good-bye boys.

  Dick Cheney : [shoots an arrow and misses the boys]  Dang it, I missed again.

  George W. Bush : For Christ's sake, Cheney.

  Stan : Kyle, run!

  [Stan and Kyle exit] 

  George W. Bush : Kill them!

• Stan Marsh : Did they find out who crapped in the urinal yet?

  Kyle Broflovski : Not yet.

  Eric Cartman : They aren't going to find out who did it, but they'll make up a scapegoat, send him to detention, and make us all believe it; it'll be 9/11 all over again.

  Kyle Broflovski : Will you shut up about 9/11?

  Eric Cartman : Kyle, why are you so afraid of the truth?

  Kyle Broflovski : Because anybody who thinks 9/11 was a conspiracy, is a retard!

  Eric Cartman : Oh, really? Well, did you know that over one fourth of the people in America think that 9/11 was a conspiracy? Are you saying that one fourth of Americans are retards?

  [pointing at Kyle] 

  Kyle Broflovski : Yes! I'm saying one fourth of Americans are retards.

  Stan Marsh : Yeah, at least one fourth.

  Kyle Broflovski : Let's take a test sample: there's four of us, you're a retard, that's one fourth.

  [pointing at Eric]