Stephen Colbert: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Stephen Colbert : [Colbert is flying a Jedi Starfighter, and crashes into an enemy base ala Star Wars Episode Three]  Oh, no! I'm being attacked by a space monster! I'd better use my lightsaber to fight it.

  [He leaps out of his fighter into a group of battle droids, annihilating them] 

  Battle Droid One : Watch out! We have a conservative broadcaster on the loose!

  Battle Droid Two : We're going to need more droids.

  Battle Droid One : What's he doing? He's out of his mind!

  Battle Droid Two : These commentators are dangerous!

  Battle Droid One : At least it's not Nancy Grace.

  Jar Jar Binks : [after Stephen finishes off the last droid]  Hey, Colberto! Waiten a minuta! Mesa have a question for yousa.

  Stephen Colbert : [In a canned voice, as though trying to act]  What's that Jar-Jar?

  Jar Jar Binks : Now dat you defeated the droids and dis Rebel district is safe for democracy, whosa can we getsa to represent us? Mesa hoping it isn't dat little annoying boy from the desert wastelands who ended up joining the Empire. You know... Darth W. Vader?

  Stephen Colbert : [In canned voice]  Yousa wants to knowsa what congressdroid can representsa such a districta?

  Jar Jar Binks : Whatsa wrong with yousa? Whosa speaks like that?

  Stephen Colbert : [Puts arm around Jar-Jar]  Why, it's none other than democratic representative Lynn Woolsey! I sat down with the congresswoman ...

  [to Jar-Jar] 

  Stephen Colbert : bye - in her Washington office.