Shrek the Halls (2007 TV Short)

Mike Myers: Shrek

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shrek : T'was the night before Christmas, not a swamp rat did creep / As mother and babe played kazoo in their sleep / Now, the sight of the house would make any ogre droop / For it was sickeningly sweet as unicorn poop / Yet who is arriving to help this lost cause? / The foul, the vile... and handsome Ogre Claus!

  Shrek : [as Ogre Claus]  Hey. How's it going?

  Shrek : He looked all around and scratched at his beard / and said... and said...

  Shrek : [as Ogre Claus]  This place is worse than I thought... uh, feared!

  Shrek : So he grabbed up his belly and screwed up his face / And let loose a...

  [Loud belch] 

  Shrek : ...That transformed the place / With a gleam in his eye, his work here was done / And then to the babies he gave one by one / A festering bottle of stinky swamp juice / And for mommy a kiss and a good Christmas goose.

  [Motions to goose Fiona, but then pulls out a goose] 

  Shrek : [as Ogre Claus]  325 degrees, 20 minutes per pound.

  Shrek : Then digging a finger inside of his nose / and giving a nod up the chimney he rose / And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight / Smelly Christmas to all / And to all a gross night!

• Shrek : [Entering shop]  Oh, good, you're still open!

  Bookstore Clerk : No. No. Uh, we're closing now. Merry Christmas!

  [starts pushing Shrek out the door] 

  Shrek : [pushes door open]  Wait! Wait! I need your help. I have to make a Christmas and I have no idea what it is or how to do it.

  Bookstore Clerk : [excited]  Why didn't you say so? That's super! I know all about Christmas, and I have just the book for you: 'Christmas For Village Idiots.'

• Donkey : Oh, man, it's finally here! Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! You got everything ready?

  Shrek : No.

  Donkey : You mean you haven't trimmed your stockings or hung your chestnuts or roasted the tree?

  Shrek : No!

  Donkey : Or figgified your pudding?

  Shrek : Donkey! Will you get it through your thick head: no one here gives a hoot about Christmas!

• Donkey : Yeah? Well, that's a real nice way to treat your guests on Christmas. And if you think I am going to give you a present now, you are sadly mistaken.

  Shrek : You want to give me a present? Then go away! That's all I wanted!

  Donkey : Fine! I'm going!

  Shrek : Good! Then go!

  Donkey : You go and have yourself a merry Christmas, Ebeneezer Shrek!

  Shrek : And a Bah Humbug to you, too!

• Princess Fiona : I have to go back to the house now.

  Shrek : I'm surprised we still have a house to go back to.

• Princess Fiona : [about Shrek's decorations]  It's beautiful.

  Shrek : It's passable.

  Donkey : It's horrible! Usually they just throw toilet paper and run away, but whoever did this means business!

• Shrek : T'was the night before Christmas, not a swamprat did creep / As mom and the kids played kazoo in their sleep / The house was a sight that would make an ogre droop / For it was sickeningly sweet as unicorn poop / And who should arrive to help this lost cause? / The vile, the foul... and handsome Ogre Claus!

  Shrek : [as Ogre Claus]  Hey. How's it going?

  Shrek : He looked around scratching his beard / and said... and said...

  Shrek : [as Ogre Claus]  This is worse than I thought... feared!

  Shrek : So he adjusted his gut and scrunched up his face / And let out a...

  [Loud belch] 

  Shrek : ... That transformed the place / Seeing that his work was all done / He turned to the kids, and he gave one by one / A bottle of festering swamp juice / And to mom a kiss and a big Christmas goose.

  [Motions to goose Fiona, but then pulls out a goose] 

  Shrek : [as Ogre Claus]  325 degrees, 20 minutes per pound.

  Shrek : And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight / Smelly Christmas to all / And to all a gross night!