Andy Barker, P.I. (TV Series)

The Lady Varnishes (2007)

Amy Sedaris: Rita Spaulding

Quotes 

• Rita Spaulding : Well aren't you just the cat's pajama's. You are aren't you?

  [puts on thick glasses] 

  Rita Spaulding : Oh, hell yes!

  [groans suggestively] 

• Andy Barker : [Rita has one wooden leg]  I'm sorry about your leg...

  Rita Spaulding : Oh, it's no biggie. There's a girl in D-Block who lost the other one. Now we buy shoes together.

• Andy Barker : You said in your letter that you had been framed for the murder.

  Rita Spaulding : That's right, couldn't have done that. I was in the Brown Derby at the time.

  Andy Barker : Well, that ought to be fairly easy to prove.

  Rita Spaulding : Well, whoever framed me got everybody to done me up.

  Andy Barker : So no one saw you going in?

  Rita Spaulding : No, I was with a married guy. We went in the back door.

  Lew Staziak : [standing in doorframe]  We did that a few times, didn't we doll?

  Rita Spaulding : Well Lew Staziak as I live and breathe. Actually, I was talking about going in the back door of the Brown Derby.

  Lew Staziak : So was I.

  Rita Spaulding : No, I mean the back door of the restaurant.

  Lew Staziak : Oh. I didn't go there.

• Andy Barker : Eh, Lew what are you doing here?

  Lew Staziak : I realized I couldn't let you alone with this one. She'd fill your head with lies and your pants with hands.

  Rita Spaulding : Still got two of those.

• Rita Spaulding : [shouting]  Oh, and tell Lew I'm sorry I broke his heart!

  [quietly] 

  Rita Spaulding : And burned his house.

• Lew Staziak : So how's your wine, Sweetheart?

  Rita Spaulding : Well, it's better than the stuff we used to make in my toilet.

  Jenny Barker : You guys are adorable!