George Lopez (TV Series)

Weekend at Benny's (2004)

George Lopez: George Lopez

Quotes 

• [after Carmen and Max break the computer during a fight] 

  George Lopez : You guys are spoiled brats. You take everything for granted. You don't know how good you have it. You guys wouldn't have been able to make it through one week of my childhood.

  Benny : Oh, please. They wouldn't last one night at my house. You know, they would probably start crying the very first time they had to drink water out of the tap. "Oh, it's slightly yellow."

• [after breaking up a fight between the kids and George punishes them] 

  Angie Lopez : That dance is really important to Carmen and you don't have to take away the skate park. Max should just apologize.

  George Lopez : That's it? Look, Angie, we're being way too easy on these kids. You know what my mom would've done to me if I'd pulled any of this crap? She'd make me sit on my hands until they fell asleep and then she'd slap me with them!

  [begins to slap himself] 

  George Lopez : "Why are you hitting yourself?" "Why are you crying?" "Wipe your tears!"

• George Lopez : [finds out Carmen's wearing a thong]  Angie, remember when we said Carmen's virginity was hanging on by a thread?

  [takes a red thong out of his jacket] 

  George Lopez : THIS is the thread!

• Angie Lopez : [arguing about Carmen wearing thongs]  It's the tree that bends that doesn't break.

  George Lopez : Oh yeah? Well is the tree that bends the one wearing a thong? Because that's the one all the monkeys are hanging on!

• Benny : Do they have to do everything I say?

  George Lopez : Yes... okay but you can't hit them, and you can't make them hit themselves either.

• George Lopez : You're going to live here like I did as a kid, so no cell phones.

  Carmen Lopez : Hey!

  George Lopez : No computer games.

  Max Lopez : Hey!

  George Lopez : And if you cry yourself to sleep, save the tears so you have something to drink in the morning.

• Angie Lopez : George, *I* wear thongs.

  George Lopez : Angie, when you wear a thong you're spicing up a 16 year old marriage, when Carmen wears one she's starting a pep rally in every 16 year old boy's pants.

• George Lopez : Mom, let me ask you a question, what do you think about a teenage girl wearing thongs?

  Benny : Well, I used to think it was trashy, but Randy likes it...

  [pulls up thong strap] 

  Benny : and they're pretty comfortable!

  George Lopez : [nauseated, to Angie]  You're right, they're not sexual at all.

• Max Lopez : [after he and Carmen break the computer]  Don't you have a protection plan?

  George Lopez : No! If I believed in protection plans, neither one of you would be here.