- Gonzo: [while putting on a circus] Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and get your tickets for the greatest show on the block.
- Rowlf: How much for, um, one ticket?
- Gonzo: What have you got?
- Rowlf: Uh, how about a baseball card?
- Gonzo: It's a deal.
- [Rowlf takes a ticket and enters]
- Fozzie: One please.
- [Fozzie pays for a ticket and enters]
- Scooter: I'll have one, too.
- [Scooter pays for a ticket and enters]
- Skeeter: Me too.
- [Skeeter pays for a ticket and enters]
- Piggy: All I have is my favorite record, Gonzo, and I hate to lose it. Catch my drift?
- Gonzo: Oh, uh, sure, Piggy. I couldn't possibly take your favorite record. You can come in for free.
- Piggy: Why, thank you, Gonzo.
- Gonzo: That is, uh, if you'll sit next to me.
- Piggy: Hmph! Here, take it.
- [Piggy gives Gonzo her record, puts his nose on it as it spins, takes her ticket, and enters]
- Gonzo: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wow! She gave me her favorite record. It must be love.
- Nanny: Hi, kids.
- Babies: Hi, Nanny.
- Nanny: Lunch will be ready in a little bit. I hope you all like chicken salad.
- Gonzo: [gasps] Did you hear that? Chicken salad? Nanny made Camilla into lunch!
- Piggy: Don't be silly, Gonzo. Camilla is a stuffed chicken.
- Gonzo: So? Maybe she's making stuffed chicken salad.
- Gonzo: [after Piggy hangs him by his nose in the closet] Lesson Number One: Never fingerprint a pig who knows karate.
- Fozzie: [after imagining himself in jail] I don't want to be in jail!
- Kermit: Um, you're not in jail, Fozzie.
- Fozzie: I'm not?
- Piggy: No, and you obviously didn't take Camilla either.
- Fozzie: How do you know?
- Piggy: 'Cause you're not the criminal type.
- Fozzie: Gee, what type am I?
- Piggy: The airhead type!
- Fozzie: Why didn't I think of that?