American Dad! (TV Series)
A.T. The Abusive Terrestrial (2007)
Scott Grimes: Steve Smith
Quotes
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Steve Smith : [while studying] Chlorine, bromine... crap! Astatine! How could I forget? It has the words "teen" and "ass" in it.
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Roger the Alien : Oh, my God, look what's on Lifetime! Daphne Zuniga in "Spooning with Anger."
Steve Smith : So?
Roger the Alien : So? That's our favorite spousal abuse movie of all time. We gave it even higher marks that Valerie Bertinelli's classic, "Please Kevin, Not in the Face."
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Steve Smith : [to Roger about Henry hurting him] Oh, my God, your eye! Did he hit you?
Roger the Alien : It was my fault. I disobeyed Captain's orders and jeopardized the mission.
Steve Smith : Stop making excuses for him! You sound just like Daphne Zuniga from that Lifetime movie and you remember what happened to her.
Roger the Alien : Oh, my God! She ended up on ABC Family. Well, I'm not gonna let that happen to me.
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Steve Smith : I lost Roger, Hayley. I was wrapped up in my science project and I yelled at him, and I drove him into the arms of a kid who beats him!
Hayley Smith : Oh. I just thought you got like a boner in gym class or something.
Steve Smith : I don't know what to do. Why does he stay, Hayley? Why does he stay?
Hayley Smith : Clearly, he's getting something from this kid he wasn't getting from you. When you have that kind of co-dependency, it can be hard to break free from an abusive relationship.
Jeff Fischer : [as he peaks out of the pantry] Can I come out of the pantry now, babe?
Hayley Smith : I said I'll get you when I'm ready!
[throws something at the pantry; Jeff goes back inside]
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Henry : Roger, don't go! I swear I'll change. We'll play all day and we'll make a fort out of pillows and I'll never be too busy for you. You're my alien.
Roger the Alien : Oh, Henry, yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!
Steve Smith : No! God, Roger, what the hell? You're the most backward-ass advanced live form ever.
Henry : See? He doesn't care about you.
Steve Smith : Look, Roger. I'm not gonna make a bunch of promises about how we're always gonna play together and how every moment's gonna be great. And if a girl calls and I think there's a shot at boob, I'm going for the boob. But I will come home and tell you about it because you're not my alien. You're my friend, my best friend.