- [first lines]
- Justin Russo: Got it.
- Alex Russo: Does he have to say, "Got it" after every question? It's throwing me off on my exam.
- Max Russo: [surprised] We're taking an exam?
- [Prof. Crumbs has arrived at the Russo household to collect the Russo siblings' exams and grade them]
- Max Russo: Why doesn't Dad just grade our papers?
- Professor Crumb: So that no one will get better grades just by batting their eyes and trying to look cute.
- Alex Russo: [batting her eyes and looking cute] Are you talking about me?
- Justin Russo: [mocking Alex's expression] Alex, you're doing it right now.
- Alex Russo: [Professor Crumb, about to take Alex's powers, is turned into guinea pig] Don't look at me, I don't have my powers!
- Jerry Russo: [shocked] Justin?
- Justin Russo: ...I panicked!
- Justin Russo: I don't know why you guys even bother taking the tests. We all know that I'm the one that's gonna win the family wizard contest and keep my powers.
- Jerry Russo: That's not for a long while, Justin.
- Alex Russo: And what if they change the rules so only girls keep their powers? Oh, wait, you still might win.
- Justin Russo: Oh, Alex, you're so transparent. You know that I'm better than you at magic, so you have to lash out and make fun of me. And you don't take any of this magic seriously.
- Alex Russo: I can't take *you* seriously. You use big words like "transparent". What are you, British?
- [Professor Crumbs suddenly appears]
- Professor Crumb: No, but I am.
- [Alex's parents have just seen her report card]
- Jerry Russo: Hey, what's that?
- Alex Russo: [hastily] Uh...
- [takes out her wand]
- Alex Russo: These parents are now not...
- Jerry Russo: What are you doing?
- Alex Russo: ...two guinea pigs should fill their slot.
- [instantly, Jerry and Theresa are turned into guinea pigs. Alex is shocked]
- Alex Russo: What did I just do? I panicked! I needed to buy myself more time.
- Report Card: To do what?
- Alex Russo: To panic!
- [Justin and Max have lost Alex's guinea pigs that are really their parents transformed and try to figure out a solution]
- Max Russo: We'll go to the pet store. They always give me a treat.
- Justin Russo: Those are dog biscuits.
- Max Russo: I know. What do you think keeps my teeth so white and my hair so shiny?