Paul (2011)

Seth Rogen: Paul

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Graeme Willy : How come I can understand you? Are you using some neural language router?

  Paul : Actually I'm speaking English you fucking idiot!

• Graeme Willy : You are an alien!

  Paul : To you I am, yes.

  Graeme Willy : Are you gonna probe us?

  Paul : *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?

• Paul : [1980 collaboration phone call]  Okay Steven, how 'bout cellular revivification?

  Steven Spielberg : I don't know what that is.

  Paul : Oh. Restoration of damaged tissue through telepathic manipulation of intrinsic field memory.

  Steven Spielberg : What's that mean?

  Paul : It means healing, Mr. Spielberg.

  Steven Spielberg : Yeah right, healing. Like by touch or something like that. Like maybe his finger lights up on the end when he reaches out and touches?

  Paul : Maybe... You know, sometimes I find less is more.

  Steven Spielberg : Hey, trust me.

• Paul : [to two rednecks]  YO! fucknuts! It's Probing time.

• Clive Gollings : [Putting the phone to his ear]  It's ringing.

  Paul : [Out of view]  I wouldn't do that if I were you

  [Clive and Graham turn around] 

  Paul : Put... the phone... down!

  Clive Gollings : [Falling backwards fainting]  Ha ha ha ha ha!

  Paul : Aw fuck me.

  Graeme Willy : [Looks to his right, then down, and then back at the approching alien]  What did you do to him?

  Paul : I didn't do anything to him - he fainted!

  Graeme Willy : But you made him faint!

  Paul : It's not like I set my phaser to faint!

  Graeme Willy : You've got a phaser?

• Paul : This is America. Kidnapping a Christian is worse than harboring a fugitive.

• Ruth Buggs : Fuck-a-roo, that was the best titty-farting sleep I have ever had.

  Paul : I got a feeling that you're new to cursing, Ruth? Look, cursing's fun, you just gotta pick your moments, okay?

  Graeme Willy : Hey, maybe we should stop for some food, is anybody hungry?

  Paul : Fuck yeeah!

  Ruth Buggs : You bet your big fat cock I am!

  Paul : Nice!

• Paul : [Paul is posing on the couch as Graeme prepares to draw him]  Are you gonna draw me like your French girls, Jack?

  [blows a kiss] 

• Paul : [after getting frisked inappropriately by O'Reilly]  Get your goddamn hands off my motherfuckin' junk!

  O'Reilly : [Runs and screams outside of gift shop to Haggard]  It's in there! It's in there!

• Ruth Buggs : The world is 4000 years old and can only be the product of intelligent design.

  Paul : [offscreen in the bathroom]  That's horseshit!

• Ruth Buggs : [after 'partaking']  I'm hungry. We should cook up some sausages. Do we have any sausages?

  Graeme Willy : Uhh...

  Ruth Buggs : What do you mean by that? Why do you guys hate me? Can we cook up some sausages? Ohh I have wasps in my brain!

  [Ruth falls over] 

  Paul : She'll be fine. That happened to me the first time.

• Tara Walton : But I don't have my toothbrush!

  Paul : Toothbrush? Baby, where we're going, you don't need teeth!

• Clive Gollings : What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus?

  Graeme Willy : Well apparently they don't do that.

  Paul : [Paul wiggles his finger inside the hole of a bagel]  Anyone want one of these? Yeah? Anyone?

• Paul : You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream.

• Graeme Willy : Paul, what happens if you get caught?

  Paul : Graeme, they are going to cut out my brain... Yeah it's fucked... kinda a buzz kill... Let's lighten the mood, shall we? Clive when did you last get laid?

  Clive Gollings : Uh. Collectormania London '08... Ewok chick.

  Paul : [sings]  Clive likes boning space bears!

• Paul : [about boning an Ewok chick]  What was it like?

  Clive Gollings : Well... she was 'furry' nice!

• Clive Gollings : Agent Mulder was right!

  Paul : Agent Mulder was my idea!

• Paul : [Lighting a joint and takes a hit]  Do you guys partake?

  Graeme Willy : No. Thank you.

  Ruth Buggs : I'll partake.

  Paul : Are you sure? It's pretty strong shit. I get it from the military. I think this is the stuff that killed Dylan.

  Graeme Willy : Bob Dylan's not dead.

  Paul : [smiles]  Isn't he?

• Paul : [shouting out the RV window as Graeme and Clive walk into a gas station]  Hey! Reese's Pieces! Thank you!

• Paul : Oh, we're all made in God's image?

  [Throws open the bathroom door] 

  Paul : Then how do you explain me?

  [Ruth faints] 

  Paul : And that's Jenga.

• Paul : Ugh, look. Tara, I...

  Tara Walton : I didn't, just stop believing in you, you know. I've spent a very long time, trying to convince folks, all what happened that night. Everyone said I was mad, they told me it was a meteor that squashed little Paul. They took me away, and they did test, and said it was cosmic radiation and that I was cccan caused hallucinations, and I knew you were real. I pulled you out of that spaceship myself. I kept you warm and comfortable, and sat there next to you, til the men came to take you away. I tried to understand, but they would just smile and say, "there there, Tara." While, word got out about my story, yeah. Kids uses to come and throw stones at the house and call me names. I wanted to send myself away, I'd spend all night, just starring at the sky, and I'd catch a glimpse of you, and here you are.

  Paul : I'm sorry, you know, if I could have done it, any another way. I...

  Tara Walton : It's okay, you're real, it's all that matters. I was right, and all those folks that said I was crazy. While they can all just go fuck themselves.

• Paul : [about Clive manhandling him]  If I get a dork infection, you're dead!

• Paul : Eyes forward butt horn.

• Paul : Bagels and coffee!

• Paul : So weak...

• Paul : Lucky guess.

• Paul : You know, with the swearing, you could dial it back a notch.