- David Spade: Brad Pitt has opened up about the dificulties of life after divorce. Turns out he had to take swim classes to avoid drowning in all that pussy!
- David Spade: A woman who thought she adopted a kitten was shocked to find out it was actually a bobcat.
- [audience laughs as Spade makes a feline sound]
- David Spade: Eh, mistakes happen. Comedy Central still hasn't realized I'm not Dana Carvey.
- [more laughter]
- David Spade: Nobody likes a snitch...