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Quotes
Silly Frills and a Depressed Garden Gnome
Mom
Edit
Tammy
: 3 years you haven't given them a raise! Aren't you the one always saying pay people what they're worth?
Jill
: Of course.
Tammy
: Then why don't you do it?
Jill
: [
pause, quietly
] I don't know... it just never occurred to me... oh my God, I'm a horrible person.
Christy
: You're the one who asked for a paraffin.
Bonnie
: [
wearing mitts on her hands
] When the woman offered me one, I thought it was a snack.
Christy
: Whatever's happening under these mitts is warm, and soft... and kinda sexy.
Tammy
: You just sent your staff on vacation, you're not Helen Keller.
Jill
: That's right, I'm just a good person who made a tuna sandwich.
Tammy
: How about you're a great person who makes
[
takes a bite of the sandwich, does double take
]
Tammy
: ... *a* sandwich.
Marjorie
: I used to hope I could stay sober long enough for my son to get on the bus to school, but most days I didn't make it. Finally my husband told me I had to either quit drinking, or move out.
Christy
: So you left?
Marjorie
: [
ashamed
] *That* day.
Christy
: Oh my God, there's Marjorie sitting at the curb.
Bonnie
: Yeah, she looks like a depressed garden gnome.
Tammy
: Where do you want the cabinet?
Jill
: Where I can't see it and Andy can.
Tammy
: How tall is he?
Jill
: Um,
[
stands on her tiptoes and kisses Tammy
]
Jill
: a little taller than you.
Tammy
: Oh whose bright idea was it to bring vegetables without ranch? I don't want to know what celery actually tastes like.
Jill
: I needed something green, Andy's been barbecuing every night this month so all I've been eating is beef, beef, beef, and banana pudding.
Christy
: So how'd it go with your son?
Marjorie
: [
beaming
] Call me Grandma!
Marjorie
: I just got off the phone with my son, he said you went to see him.
Bonnie
: It was all Christy's idea.
Christy
: You're the one who turned the car around!
Marjorie
: I came to say thank you!
Bonnie
: [
pause
] It was mostly my idea.
Christy
: This new bra could change my whole dating life.
Bonnie
: You have been wearing it a couple days, had any feelers yet?
Christy
: Just me.
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