- Garfield: We interrupt this cartoon for a footnote. If that man with the Three Stooges haircut looks familiar to you, there may be a reason. He was on the show about two years ago. We've rerunned that one about 98 times by now.
- Garfield: [after watching a clip of the first Robodie episode] This is a sequel. Same title, same guest star, and probably most of the same jokes.
- Jon Arbuckle: [while searching for Odie] Here's the stick I threw.
- Garfield: Uh-oh. It's not like Odie to give up on a stick. He has a head for wood and vica versa.
- Jon Arbuckle: Hey, Dr. Bean, what's this?
- Dr. Garbanzo Bean: Oh, that's my newest invention of which I'm so proud.
- [pulls off the sheet and reveals a robot that looks like Garfield]
- Dr. Garbanzo Bean: The robot cat!
- [gives Jon a remote]
- Dr. Garbanzo Bean: Here, uh, give it a try.
- [Jon presses the button on the remote, but the robot cat just stays still, asleep]
- Jon Arbuckle: It just lays there and doesn't do anything.
- Dr. Garbanzo Bean: Ha ha ha! It works! It does everything a real cat does!
- Orson Pig: [pokes Roy's belly] Gee, Roy, you've put on a few pounds. You wouldn't happen to have some butter in there.
- Roy Rooster: [pokes Orson's belly] You wouldn't happen to have an entire dairy in there, piggo.
- Orson Pig: Fair comment.
- [Roy is using a pedal-powered butter churn to make butter and lose weight]
- Roy Rooster: [panting] Orson, how much so far?
- Orson Pig: So far, you've lost five pounds of tummy and we've got 50 pounds of butter.
- Bo: Like, uh, how's Roy doing, man?
- Orson Pig: Well, not bad. Only 600 more miles to go.
- Wade Duck: Better stop him before we have cottage cheese.
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 2 is... Annoying thing Number 2 is people on TV who forget their script.
- Garfield: Welcome to Annoying Things. The show that shows you everything that annoys you. A little later, we'll be doing that by showing you 99 solid minutes of commercials.
- Brown Dog: I want you to know that I hate cats with big mouths.
- Garfield: You do?
- Brown Dog: I do, and every time you do one of those TV shows, you say bad things about dogs.
- Garfield: Me? Say bad things about dogs? Oh, no, that's my evil twin doing that. We've got to stop him.
- Brown Dog: [grabs Garfield] Listen, cat. Read my lips.
- Garfield: I can't. They're like mine, they don't move.
- Brown Dog: [drops Garfield] One unkind comment about dogs and you'll be in the book of world records... under pain!
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 3: Anchovies on pizza. Putting anchovies on pizza is either a felony or it should be.
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 4: Door-to-door alligator salesmen. We have quite all the alligators we need, thank you.
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 5: People who make you watch home movies of their goldfish. This must come to a screeching halt.
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 8 is those little cards that fall out of magazines. I really hate those little cards that fall out of magazines. Your magazine comes in the mall, you open it, and out fall those little cards, and most in them come in your subscription copy asking you to subscribe.
- Garfield: Annoying things Number 9-12 are things that people say that they shouldn't.
- [shows a footage of Jon on a date]
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 9:
- Jon Arbuckle: So, what's your sign?
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 10:
- Jon Arbuckle: Mind if I share an experience with you?
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 11:
- Jon Arbuckle: I really need to know where my head is at.
- Garfield: Try looking above your shoulders on that little neck-like thing. Annoying thing Number 12:
- Jon Arbuckle: Let's savor the moment.
- [the woman furiously dumps spaghetti on Jon's head and leaves]
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 17: Doggie tongue. Very dangerous. Annoying thing Number 18: The instruction man...
- [someone bangs on the door]
- Garfield: Excuse me. We'll make number 18 being interrupted in the middle of your show.
- [Garfield answers the door and sees the big, brown dog]
- Garfield: You pounded?
- Brown Dog: Yeah, I pounded, and that door ain't all I'm gonna pound if you make any more cracks about dogs!
- Garfield: Right. I am very sorry. I promise you it will not happen again.
- [shuts the door]
- Garfield: That dog's gonna make kitty litter out of me. I gotta make sure I don't mention dogs again.
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 19 is those instruction manuals that come with things that have to be assembled.
- [in a clip explaining Annoying thing Number 19, Garfield is putting together something while Jon reads the instructions. Six hours later, they finished and Garfield has put together a statue]
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, I'm impressed. That is an incredible life-sized replica of Elvis Presley.
- Garfield: Yeah, but it was supposed to be a skateboard.
- Garfield: Annoying thing Number 20 is the most annoying of all: It's dogs! Dogs stink! They're stupid! They're useless! They're... They're...
- [realizes what he just said]
- Garfield: Hey! Who put that on my cue card?
- [notices Nermal holding the cue cards]
- Garfield: NERMAL!
- [Nermal waves happily before leaving]
- Garfield: I didn't mean it! I didn't mean what I said about dogs! Dogs are nice! Dogs are noble! Dogs are good! Dogs are...
- [notices the brown dog next to him]
- Garfield: Here! Dogs are here and I am leaving!
- [Garfield distracts the brown dog by pointing out they're on TV and encourages him to perform. When the dog begins to upstage him with his dancing, Garfield tries to get him to leave, but the dog throws him out, and continues dancing]
- Garfield: [while watching the show] Annoying thing Number 21: Guys who don't know when to get off camera. Good night.