Whatever Works (2009)

Michael McKean: Boris' Friend

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Boris Yellnikoff : That's not what I'm saying, imbecile. You guys completely misrepresent my ideas, why would I even want to talk with those idiots.

  Boris' Friend : Just calm down.

  Boris' Friend : That's not true, Boris.

  Boris Yellnikoff : No, don't tell me to calm down, I am calm. Just stop.

  Boris' Friend : Don't jump on us just because we don't understand what you're saying.

  Boris Yellnikoff : I didn't jump on you. It's not the idea behind Christianity I'm faulting, or Judaism, or any religion. It's the professionals who've made it into corporate business. There's big money in the god racket, big money.

  Boris' Friend : Here we go...

• Lady at Chinese Restaurant : I have been looking for you! And I wanna talk to you!

  Boris Yellnikoff : Who are you?

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : Did you - Did you pick up a chess board full of pieces and hit my son with it at his lesson today?

  Boris Yellnikoff : That idiot's you're son? Do me a favor, don't send that cretin to me anymore. I can't teach an empty-headed zombie chess.

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : I will have you know, that he is a very bright child.

  Boris Yellnikoff : In your opinion.

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : In...

  Boris Yellnikoff : In your opinion. Which you're skewed because he's your unfortunate issue.

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : So you threw a chess board at him?

  Boris Yellnikoff : I didn't throw it at him. I picked up the board and dumped the pieces on his head. As an object lesson to shake him out vegetable torpor.

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : You wait till my husband gets back from Florida!

  Boris Yellnikoff : What's he doing in Florida without you?

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : He will - punch you in the nose!

  Boris Yellnikoff : Hmph, my husband's in Fort Lauderdale. He's probably hanging out with your naked coeds on spring break.

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : He...

  Boris Yellnikoff : He tells her it's a business trip. Your son's an imbecile! Teach him tiddlywinks, not chess.

  Lady at Chinese Restaurant : I-

  [leaves] 

  Boris' Friend : You handled that beautifully, Boris.

  Boris' Friend : You should open the 'Boris Yellinkoff Charms School'.

  Boris' Friend : Let's get out of here.

  Boris' Friend : [Boris' friends start to leave the restaurant]  It's getting late.

  Boris' Friend : I'm tired.

  Boris' Friend : Goodnight, Boris.

  Boris Yellnikoff : What? What are you doing? Where are you going? That's it?

  Boris' Friend , Boris' Friend , Boris' Friend : [they all leave]