Last Vegas (2013)

Michael Douglas: Billy

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Billy : I'm getting married.

  Archie : What?

  Sam : Wow!

  Archie : To that young lady who's half your age?

  Billy : She's almost 32.

  Archie : Billy, I have a hemorrhoid that's almost 32!

  Billy : Look, Archie, by the time she's my age, okay, I'll be...

  Archie : Dead. You'll be dead, Billy.

• Billy : I'm old. You know? And without her, I'm just scared of being old.

  [sighs] 

  Billy : We were 17, you now, five minutes ago. It was just yesterday. I just don't know where it all went, you know? My brain cannot conceive how old this body is.

• Billy : Why every time the phone rings you think somebody is dying.

  Sam : I live in Florida now, usually when the phone rings somebody IS dying.

• Archie : We're all here to celebrate Billy marrying an infant.

  Billy : She's not an infant.

• Billy : [making an announcement]  On behalf of Binion's, I'd like to apologize for the delay in the show, but, um, I'm really interested in the performer. She's the most amazing woman I ever met. And I just can't believe in two days that she's, you know, inside my heart.

  Billy : [whispering now to the audience]  But I don't want her to know, because, you know, with gorgeous women, they like men that like to play hard-to-get.

• Billy : Welcome to Las Vegas!

  Paddy : Relax, Gershon, it's not like you invented it.

• Diana : You know, you are not as charming as you think you are.

  Billy : Well, no one could be, quite frankly.