Last Vegas (2013)

Morgan Freeman: Archie

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Quotes 

• Archie : Boy these vodka Red Bulls are strange. I feel like I'm getting drunk and electrocuted at the same time! The music, it's loud! It's like everything sounds alike, like they're playing the same song over and over and over again. I probably should get up and dance but I'm used to having a partner. It doesn't seem to matter to that fella. Maybe I'll give it a shot. Maybe not. I hope they play something different. Maybe now.

• Billy : I'm getting married.

  Archie : What?

  Sam : Wow!

  Archie : To that young lady who's half your age?

  Billy : She's almost 32.

  Archie : Billy, I have a hemorrhoid that's almost 32!

  Billy : Look, Archie, by the time she's my age, okay, I'll be...

  Archie : Dead. You'll be dead, Billy.

• Sam : [upon seeing Billy]  Where did you get the extra hair?

  Archie : His ass.

• Archie : I'm gonna go find some damn water, take all my damn pills, then we gonna get this damn party started.

• Archie : We're all here to celebrate Billy marrying an infant.

  Billy : She's not an infant.

• Sam : We have a problem. The rooms aren't gonna be ready for another year and a half. They're still remodeling. Archibald, did this topic come up when you made the reservation?

  Archie : No, because you insisted on making the reservations.

  Sam : I insisted, but then you insisted. And it is the second insister...

  Archie : Sam.

  Sam : That supersedes the...

  Archie : Sam. I offered, you insisted.

• Archie Clayton : Put that stuff down. Go have some fun, you've earned it.

  Dean : Really?

  Archie Clayton : Really!

  Dean : Aces, thank you so much! I appreciate it.

  Archie Clayton : Oh, before you go out there...

  Archie Clayton : Ask the girl to dance, don't tell her. Ok?

  Archie Clayton : Tell her how beautiful she is, not how sexy she is.

  Archie Clayton : Tell her that from the time she walked in here you have not been able to take your eyes off of her.

  Dean : That's kinda true.

  Archie Clayton : Ok, now go for it!

  [Dean goes up to the beautiful lady to ask her to dance and she says Yes. Then Dean looks back at Archie and gives him a look as if he was saying, "Your advice worked! Thanks!"] 

  Archie Clayton : I'll be damned!

• Archie : I peed myself.