Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)
Craig Robinson: Nick
Photos
Quotes
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Nick : Lou, why would he do this?
Adam : Why? I mean make a list. He's an alcoholic, he's divorced, his wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
Nick : He's failed at every jived ass money hustle he's ever tried.
Adam : He has a mountain of debt.
Nick : He hates his mother.
Adam : Hates himself, hates everybody.
Nick : He has erectile dysfunction.
Adam : He's got halitosis.
Nick : He's got that right ball! One less ball, shriveled up
Adam : Oh yeah!
Nick : ...like a... spoiled grape.
Adam : I don't know. It's just like an accumulation of punishment.
Lou : [Throws a pillow] FUCK YOU GUYS!
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Customer : Don't I know you? I know you! You're the singer from Chocolate Lipstick. You guys used to play at the Jam Shack on Friday nights.
Nick : Damn! You remember that?
Customer : Yeah. You were so good.
Customer : Oh my God. Are you still singing?
Nick : No no, that was a long time ago.
Customer : Oh wow. What are you doing now?
Customer : You get shit shit out of dog's asses. That's great.
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Nick : Just like Cincinatti.
Lou : What?
Adam : You're gonna bring that up?
Lou : We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?
Jacob : Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?
Adam : Yeah!
Lou : What? That's fucking admissible!
Nick : You keep it in the closet?
Adam : What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.
Nick : You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?
Adam : How do I know which one it's supposed to be?
Jacob : Is it a fetus?
Nick : My friends are ridiculous.
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Receptionist : I do have a reservation here for a Nick Webber-Agnew.
Lou : [overhears Nick's name] ... Webber-Agnew?, Webber *fucking* Agnew?, you took your wife's last name?
Nick : It's progressive, a lot of dudes are doing it.
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Adam : The carving you made 20 years ago, about me sucking cocks and dicks, it's not there.
Lou : Wait. Is "cocks" still there?
Adam : Nothing. I mean, it's not there.
Lou : What about "dicks"?
Adam : Neither "cocks," nor "dicks," nor "sucks."
Lou : Oh, God!
Nick : That's it. We're stuck in the fuckin' '80s!
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Nick : I don't like you taking liberties with my dick.
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Nick : [Nick is having sex with Tara in the bathtub in order to keep the events of the past unchanged. Nick is crying about cheating on his wife] Courtney.
Tara : Tara.
Nick : Courtney.
Tara : Tara.
Nick : Courtney.
Tara : No seriously my name is Tara.
Nick : Not you, my wife.
Tara : You're married?
Nick : No, not yet, she's nine.
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Nick : [on being stuck in the 80's] How am I supposed to get a job?
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Adam : Listen to me, man. That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again.
Nick : He made you his little bitch!
Adam : He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.
Lou : None of this is helping me at all.
Adam : I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.
Nick : Patience.
Adam : Maybe you're supposed to do something different...
Blaine : What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.
Adam : You're better than him!
Blaine : America!
Adam : Maybe not by a lot, but a little. You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
Blaine : The moment's over. Let's go!
Adam : You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!
Nick : Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.
Adam : You love that song, don't you?
Lou : I love that fucking song!
[Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]
Adam : Shit.
Lou : God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!
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Nick : [upon seeing their hotel for the first time in years] Muthafucka.
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Dr. Jeff : I'm Dr. Jeff. Lou's resting. He's denying that it's a suicide attempt. Medically, he's stable; so, medically we can't keep him here. But, we do think he should be monitored for a few days. Does he have any family?
Adam : Lou's family all kind of hate him.
Dr. Jeff : Okay, well, then, I guess it's up to you guys - his friends You are his friends? Right?
Nick : It's like that friend who's the asshole. He's our asshole.
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Nick : I feel 19 again!
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Lou : What's the matter, dude? Come on.
Nick : I'm sorry, man. I'm just preoccupied.
Lou : You just kind of down about being black and out of shape?
Nick : What the fuck is wrong with you? No.
Lou : Because you look good, you know? This is a great time for black people. I mean our time, not this time. This is a terrible time for black people.
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Nick : This better be the last time my ass travels through time.
