Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)
Rob Corddry: Lou
Photos
Quotes
-
Lou : Here's a question. Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question. Do I give a fuck?
-
Lou : [Trying to disclaim rumors of his impotence] I can't believe I'm fucking Adam's sister! I'm doing it! Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! Dropping loads! So much fucking semen. Little Tiny Jacobs!
-
Nick : Lou, why would he do this?
Adam : Why? I mean make a list. He's an alcoholic, he's divorced, his wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
Nick : He's failed at every jived ass money hustle he's ever tried.
Adam : He has a mountain of debt.
Nick : He hates his mother.
Adam : Hates himself, hates everybody.
Nick : He has erectile dysfunction.
Adam : He's got halitosis.
Nick : He's got that right ball! One less ball, shriveled up
Adam : Oh yeah!
Nick : ...like a... spoiled grape.
Adam : I don't know. It's just like an accumulation of punishment.
Lou : [Throws a pillow] FUCK YOU GUYS!
-
Lou : If that guy doesn't lose his arm soon, I'm gonna fucking take it from him myself.
-
Adam : One little change has a ripple effect and it effects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes or there's a tsunami, in like, you know, somewhere.
Jacob : Yes exactly. You step on the bug and the fucking internet is never invented.
Lou : Oh then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
Jacob : Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.
Lou : Yeah. No. I don't care about that.
-
Lou : Outta my way stool
-
Lou : If I wanted to kill myself, I'd fucking kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. A shotgun to the dick.
-
Lou : Okay lay down. We got a stupid baby to make.
-
Nick : Just like Cincinatti.
Lou : What?
Adam : You're gonna bring that up?
Lou : We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?
Jacob : Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?
Adam : Yeah!
Lou : What? That's fucking admissible!
Nick : You keep it in the closet?
Adam : What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.
Nick : You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?
Adam : How do I know which one it's supposed to be?
Jacob : Is it a fetus?
Nick : My friends are ridiculous.
-
Lou : God. Relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little cum on your friends face before.
-
Receptionist : I do have a reservation here for a Nick Webber-Agnew.
Lou : [overhears Nick's name] ... Webber-Agnew?, Webber *fucking* Agnew?, you took your wife's last name?
Nick : It's progressive, a lot of dudes are doing it.
-
Adam : The carving you made 20 years ago, about me sucking cocks and dicks, it's not there.
Lou : Wait. Is "cocks" still there?
Adam : Nothing. I mean, it's not there.
Lou : What about "dicks"?
Adam : Neither "cocks," nor "dicks," nor "sucks."
Lou : Oh, God!
Nick : That's it. We're stuck in the fuckin' '80s!
-
Lou : The butterfly effect can suck my nuts!
-
Lou : [to Jacob, while Lou is shocked that the former does not have ritalin] Don't fuckin' lie to me, every one of you people have ritalin.
-
Lou : Let's go to the bar, plan our empire. Fucking iPods, you know? Fucking Prius. Match.com. Anything.com. Fucking Internet.com! Fucking Zac Efron. Nobody invented him yet. What about Twitter? Whatever the fuck that is. Hey, we could combine Twitter with fucking Viagra. Twitt-agra.
-
Lou : It's called male bonding okay. Haven't you even seen 'Wild Hogs'?
-
Adam : Listen to me, man. That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again.
Nick : He made you his little bitch!
Adam : He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.
Lou : None of this is helping me at all.
Adam : I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.
Nick : Patience.
Adam : Maybe you're supposed to do something different...
Blaine : What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.
Adam : You're better than him!
Blaine : America!
Adam : Maybe not by a lot, but a little. You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
Blaine : The moment's over. Let's go!
Adam : You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!
Nick : Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.
Adam : You love that song, don't you?
Lou : I love that fucking song!
[Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]
Adam : Shit.
Lou : God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!
-
Lou : This shirt got me so much fucking pussy.
-
Jacob : Guys! This is scientifically possible.
Lou : Oh, my God. Okay, Professor Hawking, tell me in your robot voice how this is scientifically possible.
Jacob : All right, I write Stargate fan fiction, so I think I know what I'm talking about right now.
Lou : I seriously almost passed out, you're such a dork.
Jacob : Okay. The tub is obviously some kind of energy vortex, right? Like a black hole! But, instead of being in space, it's, you know, it's in a hot tub. Time is not linear, we just perceive it that way!
-
Lou : What's the matter, dude? Come on.
Nick : I'm sorry, man. I'm just preoccupied.
Lou : You just kind of down about being black and out of shape?
Nick : What the fuck is wrong with you? No.
Lou : Because you look good, you know? This is a great time for black people. I mean our time, not this time. This is a terrible time for black people.
-
Lou : [singing] You know that I've seen, Too many romantic dreams, Up in lights, Falling off the silver screen, My heart's like an open book, For the whole world to read, Sometimes nothing keeps me together, At the seams, I'm on my way, I'm on my way, Home sweet home...
