Family Guy (TV Series)

Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (2009)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin as Han Solo, Brian Griffin as Chewbacca, Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader, Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO, Dr. Elmer Hartman as General Rieekan, Carter Pewterschmidt as Emperor Palpatine, Aaron Sorkin, Cookie Monster, Man, George Takei, Dagobah Man, Commander #2, Driver, Ringo Starr, Empire Member #2, Pilot #1

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one.

  Chris Griffin : Actually, I think they did a pretty good job with that already, Dad.

  Peter Griffin : Well, I'll have to take your word for it. I don't watch Comedy Central.

  Chris Griffin : It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. I'm pretty sure you know that.

  Peter Griffin : I don't know that. I haven't seen that show in a while and I don't know that anyone else has.

  Chris Griffin : Oh, I think plenty of people have. Their fans are pretty loyal to them.

  Peter Griffin : Oh yeah? All forty-two of them?

  Chris Griffin : [sighs]  I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. I'm not gonna let you get to me.

  Peter Griffin : Well, maybe I got time for another story, then. It's called Without a Paddle.

  Chris Griffin : Fuck you, Dad!

• Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : [watches Slave-1 fly off]  Oh, no. We've lost Han. They're taking him to Jabba's palace.

  Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO : Well, even though we know exactly where he's going, we should rescue him in three years.

• Brian Griffin as Chewbacca : [to Lando]  Why are you wearing Han's clothes?

  [turns to the camera] 

  Brian Griffin as Chewbacca : Seriously, watch the actual movie. Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird.

• Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : [before Han is lowered into the carbon-freezing pit]  I love you.

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Fuck off.

• [from trailer] 

  Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : We're gonna get pulverized out here!

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship. I think we'll be fine.

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : And who are you supposed to be?

  Raggedy Andy : I'm Raggedy Andy.

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : ...get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting.

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. Join me, Luke.

  Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : I'll never join you!

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.

  Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : He told me you killed him!

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : No, I... Hang on... Spoiler Alert... I am your father.

  Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : Well, that's fine but I don't see how that affects anythin... WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?

• Meg Griffin as Giant Space Slug : How come I never have any lines in these things?

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Shut up, Meg.

• Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO : Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one.

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Never tell me the... Actually, that's not bad.

• Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : Why you stuck up, halfwitted, scruffy looking, nerfherder

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : [He punches her]  You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!

• Peter Griffin as Han Solo : [Upon seeing Boba Fett for the first time]  Ha, ha! The Giant Chicken's Boba Fett!

• Peter Griffin as Han Solo : [to Leia]  I'm going to kiss you so hard, the scene is going to change to something different.

• Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : Han, we need you.

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Oh, really? "We" or "I"?

  Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : What do you mean?

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me. I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss.

  Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : Ugh! I'd rather kiss George Takei.

  George Takei : Hello.

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : Thank God that hot chick is gone. Now I can let loose my Darth farts.

• Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : May The Force be with you.

  Brian Griffin as Chewbacca : [Over the radio]  There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church, man!

• [from trailer] 

  Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : You're gonna attack them?

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : [mocking voice]  "You're gonna attack them?"

  [normal voice] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : That's how you sound.

  [mocking voice] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : "You're gonna attack them?"

  [normal voice] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Imagine listening to that all day.

• Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy, you read me?

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Luke, I thought we talked about this. I changed my code name.

  Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : Oh, right. Sorry. Echo 3 to Carlos Spicy Wiener.

• Peter Griffin as Han Solo : How you doing, kid? You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner.

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : If you won't talk, we have very effective means of torture.

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Whoa! Well, I don't want to be tortured. All right, Luke's on Dagobah, there's a Rebel base on Kashyyyk, and I'm the one who clogged the toilet on the sixteenth floor.

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : [grossed out]  Oh, that was disgusting! You know, because of that I had to use the little pig people's bathroom.

• Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : What's all this slime on the floor?

  Brian Griffin as Chewbacca : Yeah. It feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach.

• Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay?

  Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : You, too.

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Hey, what'd you end up doing with that dog we kidnapped?

  Chris Griffin as Luke Skywalker : I killed it and ate it!

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : Come on Luke, join the Dark Side - it's really cool!

• Peter Griffin : Christina Ricci was tied up for some reason

  Stewie Griffin : I'm already bored and confused!

• Peter Griffin as Han Solo : [On Lando]  He's a black guy - in fact he's probably the only black guy in the galaxy.

  Brian Griffin as Chewbacca : Let's hope, right!

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo , Lois Griffin as Princess Leia , Glenn Quagmire as C-3PO : Whoa!

• [Han fires his blaster at a mynock. The ground shakes] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Wait a minute.

  [Shoots the ground. It shakes again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Hang on a second.

  [Shoots the ground again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : What's going on here?

  [Shoots again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Something doesn't add up.

  [Shoots again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Just a minute.

  [Shoots again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Time out.

  [Shoots again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : This ain't quite right.

  [Shoots again] 

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Oh, now I get it. We should go.

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : Captain Piett, you're in charge now. Don't fail me, Admiral Piett.

  Admiral Piett : A promotion? Really? Can I get business cards that say "Admiral"?

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : That's not in the budget. You know, we're trying to catch Rebels here. I don't even have business cards. None of us do. Do you have business cards?

  Stormtrooper : Yeah.

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : You have business cards? You're a stormtrooper. There's like a million of you. What do need business cards for?

  Stormtrooper : Well, they're for my cookie business.

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : I don't want... Oh, my God. That chocolate cookie looks like the Death Star.

• Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : [Leia runs up to Han while he's reading a book]  Han! I think there's something...

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : [Han puts his finger up to quiet Leia and finishes with his current paragraph. Once done he turns to her]  Hrmm?

  Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : There's something out there!

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Where?

  Lois Griffin as Princess Leia : Out there in the cave!

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Ha! Crazy women always hearing things.

  Brian Griffin as Chewbacca : There's something out there!

  Peter Griffin as Han Solo : Let's go check it out.

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : Admiral Ozzel came out of lightspeed too quickly.

  Imperial Officer : I had that problem with a chick the other night!

  Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : Oh, gross!

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : The force is with you, young Skywalker, but you're not a Jedi yet! You're getting there, you're getting there though!

• Stewie Griffin as Darth Vader : I was trying to call Luke Adams - his name is right next to yours in my helmet!

• [the power goes out again in the Griffin house] 

  Lois Griffin : Looks like the power's out again!

  Stewie Griffin : What, are we in Iraq? This happens entirely too often!

  Chris Griffin : Can we tell stories till it comes back on?

  Meg Griffin : Yeah, Dad. Remember the last time you told us the story of "Star Wars"? Maybe you could tell us another one.

  Peter Griffin : Well, alright. This is the story of "Black Snake Moan". Once upon a time, Christina Ricci was all tied up for some reason...

  Stewie Griffin : I'm already bored and confused.