- Kenny Powers: I just wanted to tell you that this is probably the best day of my life. I just thought you should know that before we go any further.
- April Buchanon: Thank you, Kenny. I'm happy too.
- Kenny Powers: Okay, now get naked.
- Dustin Powers: You got any credentials there, pal?
- Pat Anderson: Credentials? Yeah, I got some credentials.
- [reveals black credit card]
- Pat Anderson: Business account, of course.
- Dustin Powers: What's black? Is black better than gold?
- Pat Anderson: Uh, yeah. Gold might get you Jonas Brothers tickets. Black will have all three of them sucking your dick.
- Kenny Powers: [Kenny's audiobook plays] So, in closing, I'd like to give big ups to God, Buddha, L. Ron, whoever. Hell, maybe I just need to thank me. If there's one thing I've learned through all my adventures and conquests, it's that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great. I just am great. I'm not trying to sound cocky or full of myself, but Kenny Powers has a sneaking suspicion that no matter what comes his way he will always be great. Because that's just the way shit works sometimes. This has been based on a true story. The motherfuckin' end.
- April Buchanon: I'm just not ready to take that risk... of my life... on that gamble.
- Kenny Powers: What the fuck does that even mean?
- Kenny Powers: The risk... of... the life... with the gamble - -what?
- April Buchanon: I'm not ready to risk my life on a gamble!
- Terrence Cutler: A lot of people are feeling a lot of things right now! Let's just get our feelings out there and talk it through and calm down!
- Terrence Cutler: I've been a little bit upset!
- Terrence Cutler: I've mostly been out in the woods! And it's... not normal for me... to live out in the woods.
- Terrence Cutler: I've been going a little bit of crazy!