- Uncle Jesse: [reading aloud a Christmas card sent by Daisy] Whoever said Christmas means good will to all men apparently never met Boss Hogg. 'Cause, while we was a racin' through England, just before Christmas, we were so excited about the holiday that we forgotten that Boss does his tricky schemin' 365 days a year, holidays included.
- Big Jake Marley: Three ghosts, and you'd better be as nice as pie, or I'll see to it you spend your eternity wearing a two ton safe for a necktie!
- Daisy Duke: I just wish Uncle Jesse could be here to enjoy this with us.
- Luke Duke: Yeah, instead of Boss Hogg!
- Jefferson D. Hogg: [coughing, having just been pulled through a chimney by the Ghost of Christmas Present] Oh, dang it all to heck!
- [more coughing]
- Jefferson D. Hogg: Can't you guys ever use the door like everybody else?
- Boss Hogg: Now that's what I call a stroke of genius. Instead of burnin' rubber for the rest of his natural life, Luke Duke's gonna be burnin' garbage!
- [chuckles wickedly]
- Uncle Jesse: Phew, I'm drier then a swamp frog in the summertime.
- [drinks from a water sack]
- Boss Hogg: [shouting] Hey, Jesse! Quit the lollygaggin' out there, you take a break for water when I tell you too, hear?
- Ghost of Christmas Future: He can't hear you, my tubby little friend.